4th of July buzz

July 2003


I asked Alicia if I could speak with her alone. A look of concern flashed across her face before she quickly shoo'd Dean out. He didn't take it to heart and made a joke about girl talk. Once he shut the door behind him I sat in the chair across from Alicia.

"Jules, say something you're freaking me out." Alicia blurted, filling the uncomfortable silence that had filled the room.

"Did you sleep with Cal?" I asked searching her face, knowing she couldn't hide the truth from me. When she flinched and lowered her head I knew it was true.

"Jules it was a long time ago, before you two got together.  We were never a couple." She explained quickly.

"But you knew I had a crush on him our entire time in high school?"  A part of me knew it didn't really matter it's not like Cal and I are still together,  I guess what's really bugging me is how she never told me.

"Jules, you never told me you liked him until after homecoming.  We hooked up right after school started, it was at some junior's party." She leaned forward and reaching across the coffee table she grabbed my hands in hers. I didn't say anything but also didn't pull away so she continued.

"I promise you, I would have never done that to you. You know me."

"Yeah I do know you, and I know sleeping with someone isn't really that big a deal to you." I knew it was a low blow, I was still upset. I leaned back yanking my hands away folding them over my chest. She flinched and turned her face like she had just received a slap, I guess in a way it was.

"That was mean, I'm sorry. I'm not really mad you slept with him, I'm mad you never told me."  I had been waiting for her to apologize about the lying, when she didn't I decided to throw it out there.

"You're right I didn't tell you. Part of the reason was because...because I had feelings for him." I looked up instantly at this. She sighed, her attention was suddenly fixed to something in the corner behind me. Without looking at me she continued.

"As you know by high school I wasn't new to sex. The first time sucked and so did the couple of guys after. No one hurt me or anything, I just felt like they were using me, or maybe I was using them. Then I met Cal at a party. He was so nice to me, we talked for hours.   I told him about my mom, which is Not something I do."  It wasn't, if I hadn't known her for so long and hadn't personally witnessed the state that was her mom, I wouldn't have known either.

"Alicia, if I would have known you liked him,  especially since you slept with him, I would have never carried a torch for him for so long."  Great, this conversation started with me feeling hurt because of something I thought she did to me. Now I was hurting for her.

"Because I never let it go anywhere, after I slept with him I freaked. It was the first time I felt like this, all I did was think about him. I also felt horribly embarrassed, I didn't know how to be a 'girlfriend'. Even though my mom got better when I was 10, I was nervous she'd coil back, I couldn't bring a guy home. He called a few times and tried talking to me at school but I just blew him off." She sighed.

"And why didn't you tell me this." I said calmly, my anger had died down. Staying mad at each other was not something we practiced. I still needed to know though.

"The look on your face after the homecoming dance, " she smiled at the memory. "You went on and on about him, how hot he was, how nice he seemed. I knew how picky you were with guys, I didn't want to ruin that. Your my best friend Jules, I didn't want to hurt you. By the next semester I was over him so I figured no one ever needed to know."  She looked so crestfallen. I got up and joined her on the couch and wrapped my arms around her.

"Ok, I still wish you would have told me but I believe you. Let's forget it, we always promised we'd never let a boy get between us, we're not about to start. Remember Robert Lawson?" We broke the hug and tried to laugh off the heavy air looming over us. Back in 3rd grade Alicia and I were in opposite classes and hadn't met yet. We found out Robert was 'dating' both of us. I confronted her first on the playground,  I looked crazy shaking my love note in the air to prove he was with me. She also had the same note (do you like me circle yes or no.)  Once we found out he was playing the both of us we dumped Robert and have been best friends ever since.

"Sorry for breaking up your moment with Dean," I suddenly noticed the popcorn bowl in front of me, smiling I picked it up and started munching away.

"That's OK,  we've been a little on edge since he told me about the graduation party. I know my anxiousness is just coming off as bitchy."  We chatted awhile longer before heading off to bed. Tonight definitely didn't go as planned but I was glad I went out with Cal tonight. Despite the bomb he threw in I enjoyed catching up.


Friday was the 4th of July, it also happened to be the one year anniversary of Dean and Alicia's first date. Dean being the polite neighbor he is, had invited us to a big party at the beach, a handful of people rented out rooms at a seaside inn. The people we met were great and it was a way to break in our first 4th away from home, especially for Alicia.

The fireworks over the ocean were unreal, I was ecstatic when Dean invited us again to the same party this year. I had immediately called Jacob to invite him, unfortunately he already promised his mom he'd drive north to visit her. I was disappointed about going alone but sucked it up and went. We spent the night drinking, dancing and eating a lot of barbecue. Laying on my giant little mermaid beach towel I took in the majestic firework show. On my right Dean and Alicia were too busy groping each other to bother watching. If I wasn't buzzed from the fruity punch I had too many refills of, I would have felt alone. Luckily the combination of alcohol and the warm summer breeze kissed my skin and I felt nothing but bliss. After the grand finale the lovely sober Dean drove us home.

 Alicia reminded me about leaving around noon to make it to LA as I stumbled to my bed. Passing out in my swimsuit and sundress, I knew I would wake up feeling like a truck hit me, but nothing felt better in this moment.


Hoping to get another post in by the weekend. Next post will be Alicia's POV.
Thanks for reading and commenting! 
-Juliette