Numbers

May 2003


"Hi this is Juliette from Callahan Insurance, I was calling today to set up a time to review your policies with our office. Would you be available this Wednesday? " My professional phone voice tried to sound more awake then I was on this cloudy monday. I was going through a list of clients trying to schedule policy reviews.

"You're just trying to get me in to sell more products. I already give you enough, remove me from your call list!" The woman on the other line spit out. OK so this wasn't going to start off positive, this was my first call.

"Miss Connors I understand it's annoying to have people call you asking for something.  I assure you though, all we need is a little bit of time to review your auto and home policy and make sure everything is up to date. Sometimes you'll even find you have too much coverage on some items. We can raise or lower anything at that time. Its also good to go over any policy changes so there's no surprises in the event of an accident.  We prefer to have you come in but I'm more then happy to set up a time to call you and review over the phone?"

"Alright, but only because my bill went up a dollar last month, I want to know why. I can do 11am Wednesday." Her tone had softened so I quickly finished the call before she got snappy again.  I put the appointment in my calender and marked my list.

"Don wants us in the office for numbers," Shelly came by my desk to get me. Every Monday we meet with the agent to give our sales numbers. I generally do well and similar to the other staff so I wasn't anxious. I grabbed my notebook and headed with Shelly to Don's office.

"Morning ladies, I hope you had a good weekend, please take a seat." Don greeted us. Don usually got in around 10 so I still hadn't seen him yet this morning.

Our office consisted of only 4 employees in addition to the agent, Don.  There's Shelly and I, the other two are Patrick and Karen. Patrick was the same age as me, however his attitude was more like a 15 year old girl. He was whiny and always complaining and loved creating office drama. Karen was an older woman who was nice enough but she had no drive, she technically was the office manager. I say technically because she never really managed, if she tried telling us to do something she would quickly back track and ask if we thought we should then she would apologize and leave the conversation leaving you to wonder what just happened and what you're supposed to complete.

"Juliette can you start with your numbers?  Unless you don't want to, does anyone else want to start...or I could?" Karen opened up the meeting.

"That's OK I'll start. 18 auto, 14 fire, 3 health and 1 life." I said slow enough for Karen to write on the whiteboard. I smiled when I said 1 life remembering how long it took me to close that sale. I had started the quote back in December for a stay at home mother. She didn't think she needed it but enough convincing her and her husband of the expenses they will have if she passes got me the sale months later. I guess she got sick for a week and her husband had to stay home and watch the kids and take care of everything,  he was a mess and called me last Thursday to complete the paperwork.

"9 auto, 7 fire, 0 health and 0 life," Patrick went next, he was still new and didn't have a life or health license. If he had any leads he would send them to Shelly and I to finish,  he was still able to count the sale. He rolled his eyes when Don said he still did good.

"12 auto, 10 fire,  0 health and 10 life," Shelly said beeming as she should, 10 life in one week was big, not only for commissions but for office numbers. I was a little confused though how she did it, I don't remember hearing her schedule that many appointments.

"Good job Shell, what's your secret?" Don asked smiling. Don was a young agent, early 30's, he was also quite handsome. He reminded me of a young George Clooney. It made meetings in his office more enjoyable.

"I just used some of the techniques we learned in that sales negotiation class from last week." She smiled.

We went over a couple notes Don had for the upcoming week and then headed back to our desks.

"Dang girl good job on the policies." I told Shelly when we sat down. My chair always bounced when I sat and every time I jumped up a little scared it would fall and I would with it.

"Oh it was nothing just asked and they said yes." Shelly swiveled her chair around to face her computer screen, ending the conversation.

I turned my attention back to my list when my phone buzzed in my purse. I looked around and it was quiet enough so I checked it.

Jacob - I can't stop thinking about you!

We'll now I was blushing, I couldn't help smiling. Jacob and I haven't seen each other in private since that night at his house. We both worked and had school so our schedules were hectic. We did grab a bite with friends a couple times. We also never really discussed us. We've kept up the flirting and some mild pda but nothing that screamed we were a couple. I was OK with this pace though and just enjoyed his company.  I was thinking about what to respond when a customer walked in.

I looked up to see a family of three. The mom and dad were followed by a teenage boy. I wondered how he didn't run into walls considering he didn't lift his head once even when they walked to Shelly's desk to sit down.  I got back to work, occasionally I would eavesdrop on their conversation.  It turns out this teen had just got his license and needed to be added. I wasn't surprised when I heard the parents reaction to the price increase, especially when they wanted a quote for a car they might buy him. The dad was arguing with the mom now about not wanting to spend the price on a policy where the kid would be a primary driver. I agreed with him, if they just added him to the two cars they already had it would be way less compared to adding a third vehicle. Three cars means each driver has to be primary on each car.   Shelly started going over discounts and I couldn't make out what she was saying. She was talking too low to hear. The phone rang and I answered. It ended up being a long call, by the time I hung up the family of three were walking out.

"Just sold another life," Shelly raised her hand for a high five. I hit my hand against hers when she reached my desk.

"Before I answered the phone they were busy arguing about how expensive the auto was going to be, how'd you get them to buy something else?" I was happy for her but also surprised.

"Oh it was nothing,  I just asked." She smiled and walked to the back room to finish the application.

I shrugged my shoulders and sat down getting back go my list. All of a sudden I had an urge to get some appointments and get sales. I don't want to go into next Monday's meeting with the lowest numbers. Maybe I'll invite Shelly over this week to give me some pointers.

The day finished out great. I had set up fifteen appointments and sold a couple auto policies. I asked Shelly if she wanted to get dinner before my class at 8. She agreed asking if it was OK for her to invite Gavin. I wasn't really interested in being a third wheel so I called Alicia to see if she wanted to join also.

"Sorry Jules, Dean said he got reservations for some fancy joint tonight." She didn't sound sorry, I laughed at her giddy mood. I don't think I've seen her frown since her and Dean got back together,  though I didn't see her much either.

I sucked it up and drove to the Mexican restaurant in Old Town we decided on. I walked through the thick wood doors and scanned the busy restaurant for Shelly and Gavin. I walked to the patio when I didn't spot them inside. The patio was my favorite part of this restaurant,  it was quieter and more romantic with lights and flags strung around and a beautiful large Spanish tile fountain in the middle. I spotted Shelly at a small table next to the fountain and walked over. I quickly stopped when I spotted the person standing up next to Gavin.

Dinner -Alicia's POV

Alicia's POV
April 2003

 I wiped my hands on my dress for the hundredth time. My heart was racing so I tried breathing slowly, in and out in and out. Tonight Dean was taking me to dinner, I wasn't sure where so I opted to dress up to be safe, of course I kept fretting on my decision wishing Jules didn't have class tonight, I needed a second opinion. I was just about to walk back into the bathroom and check my makeup again when the door bell rang. I let out a sigh and walked to the door, I hadn't actually talked to Dean in person in months. Yeah I stalked him behind closed doors every chance I got but calling him Saturday was the first communication we've had since the breakup.

"Hi," Dean greeted me with a smile that instantly calmed my nerves. He was the only guy I'd ever been with that had the ability to calm me. I tend to be dramatic and get worked up, Dean's laid back attitude on life always helped me settle down.

"Hey stranger," I tried my best to sound casual and not like I wanted to drop this stubborn act and go back to the way we were before. Before things got so heavy and complicated.

He took my hand and lead me through the courtyard.  I thought he was going to the car but he took a right and kept walking.  We walked silently until he stopped in front of our favorite Thai food place,  it was only two blocks from the house and when we were dating we ate there at least once a week.

"Alicia and Dean so nice to see you it's been so long," Dara the hostess greeted us with a knowing smile in my direction. After we split up I only ever ordered takeout and always came alone, it didn't take long for her to ask about Dean. I brushed it off as nothing but every time I came in she would give me a big hug and sad smile and ask how I was holding up. Normally that would annoy the crap out of me however it was too hard when she was so sweet and threw in free spring rolls.  She lead us to a small booth in the back. I was grateful no one else was near, in case I did the unthinkable..cry. I have never let anyone but Juliette and my mother see me cry, Dean gave me emotions I didn't think I would feel about a guy and I feared he would bring them up tonight,  especially if he wasn't interested in getting back together.

"Wanna start with spring rolls?" Dean ran his hands through his thick blonde curls, I miss doing that.

"Do you have to ask," the calm feeling he gave me earlier was gone I was beginning to get anxious.  I made small talk, asked about school, we went to the same University but he was in his last year and I was closing out my first soon.

"School is great I graduate in June with a B.S. in computer engineering and I already have a paid internship at a local company Innovated Solutions." He reached for the last roll making eye contact to see if I wanted it. I shook my head smiling at how happy he looked over getting the last one.

"I'm a growing boy," he laughed when he noticed my reaction.  He always said that and of course he was done growing, well up anyways but somehow he managed to eat whatever he wanted, a lot of it, and never gain weight.  He did work out a lot which made me remember him naked, which lead me to blurt out what I've been holding in for months.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have freaked about your family. I got scared we were moving too fast and I wasn't ready,  but I miss you and I don't think it was worth loosing us." I said everything so fast. I knew if I didn't I would never say it. I looked at the pink and teal napkin in my lap wondering if they stole them from a 1980's Florida vacation rental while I tried to distract myself. He wasn't saying anything and I knew he must think I'm some dumb kid. Why did I let him get to me like this, it's been months why didn't I move on? I knew the answer, I didn't want too move on. I blinked back the tears and finally raised my head.  He was smiling, but not like he was making fun at my vulnerability. In fact his sexy blue eyes looked a little moist.

"I've been waiting for your stubborn ass to talk to me for months." This wasn't the first time he's called me that and I actually missed it.  I missed how much he knew me.

"My dad died when I was five, too little to remember much but I vividly remember the 5 years after and how depressed my mother was, she cried for him almost every night.  She barely functioned, I always told myself why fall in love when it can ruin your life. The pain of loosing him was too much for her, why would I want to hurt like that?" I shook my head remembering my once frail mom, it caused me to grow up quicker having to help take care of her and myself. Dean knew I lost my dad but not about my mom.

"You've always talked about your mom as this successful go getter. I'm sorry." He squeezed my hand but pulled away not keeping the connection. I was done talking about my mom, she did change, at 10 one day I came home from school and she was baking, something I never remembered her doing. She helped me with homework and made dinner and each day it got better. She started dating a couple guys when I was in high school but nothing serious.

"Why didn't you come after me, at all?" I had to ask, I wasn't ready to take full blame for this stubborn breakup.

"I tried, I actually came by less then a week after and I saw you with some guy."  I cringed, I knew what he was talking about and I wasn't innocent.  I wasn't innocent multiple times since our split. It's something I did, before him I may have been young but was not new to casual hookups.  I was 13 when I lost my virginity,  it was at a high school party with a senior, Tim.  I knew it was wrong but he was so sweet to me. The sex sucked though, didn't even last five minutes. After that I got a high off feeling needed and attractive. I wouldn't say I slept with most the guys at school but there was a good amount,  the number actually included Cal. Sleeping with Cal was before Juliette had a massive crush on him, so I knew I didn't do anything wrong however I haven't told her. I hope I never have too.

"It was nothing,  he was nothing.  I just wanted to move on and I did it the wrong way." I reached for his hand and was glad when he took it.

"I get that, we were broken up I can't be mad. But we did break up for a reason, I saw a future with you and I still do. I need you to be on board with all of it, meet the parents at least once, let me give you a key,  down the road move in etc. I still haven't changed on that. I get you're young and it doesn't have to be tomorrow but if you don't want a commitment...I just..I was falling in love with you and you broke me. When I saw you with other guys..if you're not done sowing your oats I don't want to get hurt again." I saw the look in his eyes, hope, I knew what I wanted.

"I'm all in, meet the parents and everything. We can even do cheesy, like first month anniversaries and matching Christmas sweaters. " he laughed at this, back before thanksgiving he actually mentioned wanting to wear matching green sweaters to his uncles Christmas party. I vetoed it quickly of course.

Our food had arrived and I was ravenous,  I dug into everything piling my plate high. We both sat in silence as we devoured our food. Both of us had this stupid smile on our face, I was happy, happier then I've been in a long time. When we finally put a dint in our plates Dean didn't hesitate to pay the check and we hurried back to his apartment.

As soon as the door was shut I pulled my dress over my head. I wasn't wasting time.

"Wait, I never even complimented you tonight in that dress, I was too stressed. I feel bad, " he was rambling,  he doesn't normally ramble. His sudden nervousness turned me on and gave me the confidence to kiss him.  Something I've wanted to do all night. I moaned into his mouth and started ripping at his shirt, once it was off I went for his belt.

"Well I didn't get a chance to tell you how sexy looked in my favorite green shirt," I started to slowly unbutton his jeans. "But I was thinking more about how sexy you look without it." His jeans were off and I tried to slowly remove his briefs until he smacked my hand away.

"Woman it's been months for me stop teasing." He walked me to the couch and removed my thong and bra. I straddled him on the couch and ran my hands through his curly locks.

"So there wasn't anyone since me?" I was a little surprised and happy at this revelation.

"No I couldn't,  you ruined me woman." And with that he showed me how much he missed me, again and again.

It just...happened

April 2003


"Wait,  back it up, you slept with him?" Alicia's eyes were wide and she couldn't hold her smile even if she tried.

"Yes,  but I don't know what it means, I mean it's not like we planned it, it just happened. " Now I was the one who couldn't hide a smile. It was Sunday morning and I was telling Alicia all about my weekend.

Jacob lived kinda far from his campus in a newer stucco suburban neighborhood. 

"Pretty big place to live on your own," we were standing at the kitchen island and he was pouring two glasses of wine. 

"Yeah, I have two roommates but they are never around so it gets pretty quiet." He handed me the glass.  "Here, I'm not much of a wine drinker so hopefully you like it. My mother brings bottles down when she visits,  she wants to be the 'cool' mom since her and dad split." He rolled his eyes at the comment about his mom. 

"Why did they split anyways, they always seemed so happy when we were kids?" I took a sip of wine,  it was a little bitter on my tongue but sweet enough for my liking.

"Well, mom had a midlife crisis, started dressing different, hanging out with new friends and long story short, she cheated. She didn't even look remorseful the night she told Amanda and I.  I get that my dad was putting in too many hours but I'd never think she would be capable of that."  I noticed his jaw tighten. I could tell I hit a nerve, I don't blame him I don't know how I would feel if my parents split especially for reasons like infidelity.

" I'm sorry, I don't really know what to say. Cheating sucks!" 

"Yeah it does, I hate it, I would never do that to my kids or wife." He took a large gulp of wine and shook his head. "Listen, enough sad talk, want a tour?"

He led me to the living room which was large but pretty bare. The backyard was small, with a picnic table and barbecue. I followed him upstairs where he pointed out three closed doors. His roommates were paying his dad and worked nights so the house was empty.  Last he showed me his room.

"I moved into the master when my dad moved out." It was a very large room with a king size mattress on the floor and several basketball posters on the wall above it.  Just like the rest of the house the room was fairly bare. The attached bathroom was gorgeous with light marble countertops, his and her sinks and the biggest spa tub I've seen. My mind wandered as I envisioned spending time soaking in it...with Jacob.

"I know it's definitely a bachelor pad." He laughed when I was looking at another poster he had on the closet door. This one wasn't bad, it was a surfer riding a very large wave. The water was more green then San Diego so I asked where the picture was taken.  

"North Shore, Oahu.  I can't wait to go someday. I went as a kid but that was back before I surfed so we never stopped to watch the surf.  Amanda and I did get lost in a bamboo forrest though." He then proceeded to tell me how that happened and how every turn they made was dictated by Amanda but just got them more and more lost.  

"I finally took over and we made it to a road, my dad drove by about 10 minutes later. He was upset and of course Amanda blamed it on me."

"Sounds like Amanda," I said with a laugh. 
We were now sitting on the bed facing each other. 

"You have a beautiful laugh Jujie." Jacob said this almost too low to hear.  I grinned so wide though, he had to know I heard.

"You remember when we kissed in my backyard when we were 13?"  OK I know I said I was happy staying friends but I kept looking at his lips and wondering if his lips taste just as nice as they did years earlier.

"I do, I also remember how quickly you backed away and how you never talked about it ever again." He smiled at me.

"Your sister was coming and you never talked about it either." I breathed out and noticed my heart was starting to race as if my body knew what was about to happen but my mind hadn't caught up. He scooted closer and put a hand on my knee.

"This is the part where I kiss you." He leaned in, my chest was now pounding I hope he didn't notice.

"You're not supposed to tell me, you're just supp..." and that's when he cut me off and connected the space between us. His lips were soft and I opened my mouth for more. His kiss was as sweet as that day when we were 13, it was more demanding now. I could tell he had perfected it and I didn't want it to end. He lightly bit my lower lip and pulled back. I was panting and smiled at him before I dove back in for more. I lifted his shirt slowly off and began kissing his shoulder. His shoulder muscles were so nicely defined I thought as I moved to kiss his neck.  He lifted me to him and I straddled his lap. He quickly tugged at my shirt and didn't waste time with removing my bra. 

"God you're breathtaking," he said as he leaned back and met my eyes. Right then I paused. I don't know if we were going to all of sudden be together after tonight or if ever but I had absolutely no doubt in my mind that I wanted him to be my first. I placed a hand on his jaw and looked back into those piercing eyes.

"Make love to me," I wasn't asking.  I got up and removed my jeans and was grateful I picked my lace undies tonight.  He put his hands to my hips and slid them off. He got up and went to his dresser fetching protection. He then removed his jeans and laid back down. I joined him again on the bed and he leaned over me. A giggle escaped my throat.

"Sorry, it's not funny, I think I'm just a little nervous."

"Never apologize, we can stop if you want?"
I shook my head and pulled him to me. We spent the next hour between the sheets and I was surprised at how wonderful it was. I was always told your first time would hurt and be uncomfortable.  I will admit at first it was a little uncomfortable but he kept kissing me and touching me, I was too distracted to notice anything but the way his mouth felt on my skin. When we finished I laid in his arms for awhile before he went to the bathroom to clean up. I don't remember when but the next thing I remember was waking up naked in Jacob's bed. I smiled and then panicked hopping up to make sure I didn't look like a mess. I frowned in the mirror at my reflection. I had some dried drool on my cheek and black smudged mascara.  I quickly washed my face and got back in bed. I was glad I hadn't woken Jacob. 

"What happened to racoon eyes?" Busted, I turned to see his smiling face. I rolled my eyes and sat up holding the sheet to my chest.

"Hungry?" 

"Oh yeah," he grabbed the sheet and pulled.

"As much as I would love to stay here I'm starving and have a class at noon." I kissed him and jumped up to dress.  We then went out for pancakes and he drove me home.


"I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm sure enjoying whatever it is right now. He has told me before he's not ready for a full on relationship. And as much as a part of me just wants to run away with him into the sunset, I don't think one great night means we're there yet, if ever."

"Well I don't know what will happen either but I'm really glad your first time was way better then mine. " Alicia scrunched her face at the memory.

"Ten second Timmy, " I laughed. She threw a pillow at me and told me to shut up.

"It was longer then ten seconds," she was holding her smile until she finally burst out laughing. "Listen, I tell myself it's because he was just sooo attracted to me, he couldn't hold it. "

We spent the rest of the night recounting the guys she's been with,  most were jerks or idiots. Except Dean, she must of noticed my sudden silence because she interrupted my thoughts, I didn't hear her at first so I asked her to repeat.

"I talked to Dean, he wants to do dinner Tuesday night."

Weekend getaway

Present- September 2015

"You look amazing!" My husband greeted me with a whistle and soft kiss. I melted into him and pulled his neck down for more. Clearly ok with it he moved his hands to my waist and drew me closer to him. When his tongue entered my mouth I moaned and pulled away.

"As much as I'd like to finish this we've been at it since lunch and I'm now starving." I fixed my dress which he had managed to lift to my waist. We were on a short weekend trip and had just finished getting ready to go eat. My loving husband had actually surprised me with this trip to a small island called Catalina. It was cute how he told me, he woke me up at 5:30am, that wasn't cute he knows I'm not a morning person. But he managed to awake me enough to hand me an envelope with two ferry tickets. My mother was in town already and he confessed to sending her out here to watch the boys for the weekend.  The tickets were dated for that morning so we hurried to get ready and make the drive north to catch the boat.

We've been to Catalina a handful of times and each time we loved it. On the ferry ride over I was so excited to spend some much needed alone time together.  Once docked at Avalon Harbor we made the familiar yet always exciting exit, stopping for a moment to look overboard taking in the clear water and the bright orange Garibaldi swimming beneath. I was eager to get in the water so we put our bags in the lockers and walked toward the beach past the casino, which is actually a ballroom and theatre no gambling there.

We had brought our own gear and quickly got in the water. After snorkeling for a couple hours we got out and grabbed some Pina coladas, the delicious cold fruity flavor was just what I needed,  I love vacation.

We cleaned up and changed in the restroom and headed to the realtor to get the condo keys. Since this weekend was a surprise I didn't know where we were staying and on the cab ride over I was very glad to be heading outside the city to a large condo complex built into the cliff. The villas were bright white with spanish tile roofs. The advantage to building the villas so steep was the breathtaking views of the ocean.

We walked down the long flight of stairs and found our home for the next few days. The entrance was nicely decorated with a large photo of the island on the left and several smaller pictures of beach scenes on the right. I set my bag down and hurried to the best part, the view, opening the dark wood french doors I took in the miles of ocean in front of me. Closer to the beach it was a lighter green which darkened to deep blue further from the shore. I couldn't wait to jump in again but was interrupted by soft kisses along my neck and shoulder. I shivered and It didn't take long before we moved to the bedroom and were panting from exhaustion. The first time that day was quick, my husband teased it was because he spent a good part of the day staring at my ass while snorkeling. I pushed at him and that began a playful wrestle which then turned into another round. This time we were slow and took our time feeling every sensation. A few orgasms later I was starving. And that's what brings us to now.

 I had showered and put on a tight green cocktail dress, it was short and was high in the front with a bright gold zipper in the back. My husband had put on jeans and a nice light blue button down with the sleeves rolled up. We headed up the numerous stairs to our golf cart, another perk of staying here.  The island had very few cars since there was a limit on how many cars were allowed. So most everyone used golf carts.

We breezed down the hill and I drank in the ocean breeze. It was warm out and the wind in our hair was refreshing. We passed by a zipline where someone was flying down screaming with excitement, they may have an incredible view up there but you can't convince me to go on that, no thanks. We also saw a couple deer hanging out by the trees. The drive to the restaurant was short and we were quickly seated and sipping on avalon ice tea, their version of the long Island.  Dinner was amazing,  dinning on scallops and swordfish and some cheesy jalapeño lobster dip that was hard to stop eating.

"Man I love vacation," my husband said as he spread more dip on a slice of bread.

"Hehe,  me too! Thanks for doing this,  I know things have been busy and we really needed this."

He reached for my hand and intertwined his fingers through mine.

"Babe, anything for you. We both needed this. I came home late last week, the kids were complaining about something and you were running all over the place, you were so cute you had some flour on your cheek. When I kissed you I was going to wipe it off but I didn't. Even though our busy world is adorable on you, that's when I knew we needed this. So I called your mom and got her to come watch the kids.  The rest fell into place and now I'm here with my favorite person getting tipsy and stuffed." He patted his flat stomach to emphasize he was full. I giggled a little, and leaned in to kiss him. I intended to just give him a quick peck but I couldn't help holding it and deepening it. Before we made a scene my husband asked for the check and we hurried back (as fast as the little cart would take us.)

We spent the rest of the night making love and eventually passed out in a sweaty and blissful tangled mess.

We awoke late and spent the day kayaking and snorkeling.  We beached the kayak at a rocky shore where only a couple other people were at. There was a large rock protruding out of the water about 20 feet from shore so we got our masks on and explored around it. I saw a small stingray and a plethora of fish. We started swimming further from the rock, I looked over my shoulder and just saw the deep. I love the water but every once in a while I get a little creeped out when I can't see what's out there.  I looked at my now pruney hands and decided I was ready to go back in so I tapped my partner to tell him. He raised his head and just then something popped out of the water behind his head. I froze and tried grabbing him toward me. He held me tight and we looked to see that it wasn't a shark but a small seal. It snorted and looked right at us. I'm not really scared of seals but it is a little weird swimming next to them so I gripped tighter on to my husband. The gray and white spotted mammal turned away from us like we were a bore and swam off. I started laughing when I told him what his face looked like when I yanked him.

"You eyes were so big, hahaha."

"You can't blame me your face was whiter then Casper, what the hell you freaked me out." He was laughing too so I knew he wasn't mad.

"Well I was shaking in my flippers, come on let's get out for awhile." We headed back in the kayak and spent the rest of the day lounging around, with a couple naked "naps" in between.

Our last night we heated up the grill and threw on some fresh fish and potatoes. We stayed on the balcony soaking in the view and breeze. I was sad to leave tomorrow but also missing the kids. I leaned into my man, I was completely at rest and happy. It was the perfect way to spend our weekend.

Movies

March 2003


"He's with someone else!" Alicia dropped her purse on the ground and slammed the door behind her. I was in the kitchen putting the popcorn in the microwave when I heard her yell this from the living room. I knew she was talking about Dean and this wasn't the first time she's discussed the possibility he has moved on, it has been months.

"Alie we've talked about this, it's been enough time, he's going to move on.  Besides so have you, I can't count the number of guys you've been with since Dean." It was true Alie had been on a date almost every week since Dean, none of them lasted past a couple nights though.

"It doesn't matter, I...I didn't think he'd move on. I thought he'd come after me you know, he never even tried." She was now sitting on the couch hugging a pillow. Even though I knew she wasn't really over him, she usually tried to act like she was. This was the first time she's admitted to wishing he came after her. I instantly felt her pain and tried rubbing her back to comfort her.

"I get what you're saying, it's hard not to think he never cared when he never faught for you." I wasn't sure if I was telling myself this or Alie. "But I know he did care, I saw the way he looked at you Alie. Plus Vicky just said yesterday that he asked about you again. You both are just too stubborn to admit how much you mean to each other."

"Ha, well if he really did care why'd I just see him with some lanky blonde bimbo walking into his apartment." I had to hold in a laugh at the way she said bimbo, with her noise scrunched up as if something reeked.

I went to answer her when the door opened wide and in walked Shelly. She was practically floating as she walked and was grinning from ear to ear.  She must have noticed the vibe, her smile dropped and she asked what was wrong. Alicia repeated the bimbo comment and Shelly started laughing.

"You mean his sister Viviane. He introduced me on my way in, said they were headed to dinner." She fell on to the couch. "Oh, and he asked how you were Alie."

"Shut up, really! See Jules I told you there was nothing to worry about." She turned to me. I just rolled my eyes and went to finish the popcorn. Tonight was girls night,  we were staying in and watching Sweet Home Alabama after setting up the popcorn and m&m's.

The movie was cute and that includes Josh Lucas, Shelly must of thought the same, throughout the movie she kept saying how much he reminded her of Gavin. I didn't see it.

"How's it going with you guys anyways?" I hadn't seen Shelly much this month I was curious.

"Guys he's amazimg! He asked me to officially be his girlfriend." She was grinning so wide I wondered if it hurt.

"How'd he ask?" Alicia asked before shoving a handful of popcorn in her mouth.

"He did it in front of his teammates right after a game. They won and when I went to meet him all the guys were there," Shelly raised her hand to her chest and sighed.  "Right after he hugged me he said really loud 'baby you're my goodluck charm I play better because of you, be my girl officially?'  Oh my gosh guys it was so sweet of course I said yes!"

You couldn't help but smile, her happiness was infectious even if it was corny. I looked at Alicia, though she had a smile on her face it was tight. I really wish she would just talk to Dean, maybe I should. Just as I was planning my speech to him my phone buzzed.  I couldn't help but smile.

Jacob - hey, wanna come to a cinema class with me tomorrow night

Me - of course, call me later with the details

"Hello, earth to Jules," Shelly snapped her finger over my phone.

"What, what'd I miss?

"I asked how things were with Jacob?"

"I told you we're just friends," I hoped my grin didn't give away the way I felt in my stomach everytime I heard his name.

"Not buying it, but I will tell you Cal told Gavin he really misses you and thinks he might want a relationship again. "

I wasn't sure what to say, on one hand I always wanted to get back with Cal, on another I wasn't sure he wouldn't grow bored again. Instead of answering I grabbed the bowl of candy and changed the subject.


The next night I put on my favorite pair of  dark jeans and a fitted broncos tee. I tried to be light on makeup and just applied some blush and mascara, I usually feel like I just woke up if I didn't have on my mascara. I brushed my now mid length bob out and decided I was ready.

"Jacob's here." Alicia called to me. She had already opened the door and let him in. He looked adorable in some jeans and a faded gray tee. We said goodbye and headed to his school.

"So your professor won't notice I'm not signed up for the class? "

"No, there's way too many kids in the class he'll never know."

Walking side by side to the class I felt Jacob's hand brush up against mine. I turned to see if he noticed, he smiled and grabbed my hand in response and kept hold until we found our seats. The room was very large and had stadium seating. After the professor said a few things the lights dimmed and the film started.  The movie was really good, The Color of Paradise. It was set in Iran and followed a blind boy who got out of school for summer break. His dad didn't treat him very kindly, he definitely showed his frustration at having a blind son. His grandmother and sisters treat him with love though and the cinematography and sound was amazing, I never knew the countryside there was so vibrant and beautiful.  There was a scene where the boy broke down and it felt so real I teared up. I didn't look over at Jacob, I didn't want him to see my watery eyes. He did however grab my hand sometime during the movie and hadn't let go.

"So what did you think,  not too boring of a class huh?" Jacob lead us back to his car once the class was out.

"I was curious about what kind of movie they'd play but I was pleasantly surprised,  maybe a little sad also though." I tried to laugh it off a little but I was kinda feeling down after that film.

"Well how about going back to my place, I've got wine and cheesecake in the fridge?" He looked hopeful and I couldn't think of any good reason not to go.



Hey everyone,  sorry there hasn't been a post since Sunday.  My eldest just started kindergarten and I didn't know it was going to be such an adjustment for all of us.  thanks for reading and commenting :)

Tide pools and pictures

March 2003


"Watch your step right there," Jacob said reaching for my hand to steady me. We were hiking down to the ocean off the Nazarene campus in Point Loma. The hike down was steep and I was nervous of slipping on the dirt below me.

Since the bonfire last month we have seen each other a handful of times. That night he told me about the breakup with his girlfriend, Kim, he mentioned how he wasn't ready to be in a serious relationship for awhile. He was careful with his words and I could tell he didn't want to talk bad about her but based on some of the things he said about her, she was kind of... intense. She came from a strict family and in order to go out with her on their first date, she informed Jacob he needed to tell her father he could see marrying her in the future.  This was junior year of high school and he was caught off guard but also wanted a date to homecoming. He told me he didn't remember ever having a conversation about being a couple but after homecoming she started telling everyone they were. Every week they had to have dinner with her family and Kim's father would grill Jacob with questions the entire time. Somehow they lasted through senior year of high school together.  A couple months into college she asked him to skip Thanksgiving with his family and go to hers, he was OK with it at first but then she proceeded to tell him they could announce their engagement during the meal. Jacob told me that's when a light switch went off and he realized it had gone too far, he didn't love her and knew she felt the same toward him. He seemed OK with everything as he relayed the story that night.  I felt sad he had, in my opinion, wasted so much time on her. As a friend I was just hoping to spend more time with him, and this past month we have.

"I should have worn tennies instead of flip flops." I was now at another slope and trying to decide the best way down.

"Sorry, I said let's go see the ocean but didn't exactly say how." He smiled shyly at me.

A few more steps in the dusty dirt and we had reached a small cliff. Carved out through it was a small ledge and then nothing just a drop off about 10 feet. I looked around to see if we were supposed to get down another way and was met by a higher drop off on both sides.

 I must have looked cautious because Jacob lightly held my wrist and spoke. "Don't worry I'll hop down first then help you down."

I nodded and watched as he bent down and slid along the cliff until he could just jump down. He turned around and asked me to sit. Listening I sat down hanging my feet off the cliff. Jacob grabbed my waist and lowered me, I panicked a little and quickly wrapped my arms around his neck, he tightened his grip around my waist and drew me to him.  Once my feet hit the ground we stayed in that position long enough to feel my cheeks warming up. I smiled and let go turning to the ocean. It was breathtaking,  the tide was low so there was a good amount of space to explore. Rocks large and small were scattered about some making little pools of water. I walked up to a large pool made in a depression of the sandstone. The water was crystal clear,  I noticed a couple little hermit crabs moving and also these thick hairy looking flower blobs attached to the rock. I noticed a large teal one with gray tips. I kicked off my sandals and bent down to get a closer look.

"That's a sea anemone," Jacob pointed to what I was inspecting.

"Man-im-o-nie?" I didn't think I repeated it right but I was trying.

"Uh-nem-uh-nee," he corrected me with a huge grin on his face and I knew it was due to me pronouncing the word like a little kid.

"It's crazy looking I've never seen one."

"Touch it, it's pretty cool feeling, lay your finger flat. " I did and wasn't expecting what happened after.

"Eeeek!" I squealed jumping back after the anemone wrapped around my finger and felt like it was sucking me in. I looked at Jacob and he was hunched over laughing.  I was annoyed at first but then joined in, it didn't hurt just felt funny and I was nervous I wouldn't get my hand back. Jacob leaned down and poked it gently, the creature began curling itself in looking like a flower before it blooms.

"That's actually pretty cool."

"Yeah, as a kid I would feed little hermit crabs to the big ones."

"Awe the poor craby, he didn't see it coming!" I said lightly shoving him.

We explored around some more before heading back up the cliff. The cliff wall had a few carved out steps in it and Jacob stood behind me to help me up. I noticed he let his hand linger on my behind longer then necessary but I wasn't going to say anything.  When we got back to the top at the parking lot we turned around to take in the panoramic view. The deep blue ocean went on forever, to our left was a four story building.

"That's a dorm, epic view for sure." Jacob pointed out. Yeah I wouldn't mind this view everyday. I asked him to take a picture of us with the ocean in the background,  being so tall his long arms made it easy to take a picture of us, I leaned into him making sure we were both in the shot. He took one, handed me my camera back and started walking toward the car. I wanted to make sure it turned out so I turned the display screen on and squinted to see, it was a great shot and you could see the view behind us perfectly, I also approved of my appearance which doesn't always happen. I put my hand up to block the sun to see better and noticed in the picture Jacob wasn't looking at the camera, he was staring right at me, smiling. The image looked more like a couple in love then a couple of friends. We were just friends but I couldn't help the jitters I now felt in my stomach.

"Hungry," Jacob called over at me, he was leaning against the car ready to go.  I hurried to join him. I wasn't sure if he was interested in me just by a picture but the look in his eyes made me wonder if he saw me as more then a friend. We have really enjoyed hanging out together lately and even though I was clearly attracted to him I also didn't want to mess up our long time friendship if anything happened. It was funny how I used to be better friends with his sister then him but lately I have felt closer to him then most my other friends.

He took me to a taco shop not far away and we spent most of the time talking about things we remembered from visiting each others families as children.

"When we were about six we came to visit you guys in the summer. I remember going to some park with a big stream running through it. You and I walked along the stream and you held my hand." Jacob told me this before he took a massive bite of his California burrito.

" I don't remember that, just the two of us where was Amanda?" When we were kids it was either the three of us together or just Amanda and I.

"She was off running around I don't remember. But trust me I remember holding your hand." I looked at him and wished I could remember that moment like he did. When I didn't say anything he changed the subject talking about some funny professor he has.

 I'm not sure what's in store but for now I'm going to go with the flow and enjoy his friendship.

Bonfire and breakups

February 2003

Thanksgiving and Christmas came and went and I wish I could say they were very eventful.  I was able to drive back to Arizona for thanksgiving at my sisters. Shelly actually joined me and we spent the way there with her complaining about Gavin, and the way back with her gushing about how much she missed him. 

It's going on three months and they are still no where near defining their relationship.  He is growing on me more however, he still makes conceited comments but I do also see how Shelly lights up around him. Unless she's in 'hate Gavin' mode, in which she, well you guessed it, hates Gavin. 

I have seen Cal a couple of times since our split. The first was at a party at a house near campus. We stayed close that night and after a few drinks we ended up in a surprisingly empty room.

  "I've missed you Juliette," Cal had moved closer to me and was rubbing my bare knee. I mentally thanked God I shaved and wore a mini skirt. The weather here is cooler at night but I was used to the winters in Colorado, so when I knew Cal would be here tonight I ditched the jeans and opted for short. 

"I've missed you too," I went to say more but he cut me off with his mouth. He felt so familiar and still made my stomach fluter. We started off slow and quickly started pawing at each other like we'd waiting months for this, oh wait we have. 

"We don't have to be together to..be together," he said this as his lips brushed against my neck. I got goosebumps immediately and I'm not sure if it was what he said or my reaction to his touch.

"Wait, you miss me, but you still don't want to be together do you?" I knew I was being naive I knew whatever was going to happen tonight wasn't going to erase the past couple of months. But I guess when our lips touched I just forgot. I was now fully aware and less buzzed then ten minutes ago. I looked into his eyes and he didn't have to answer. 

The second time I saw him was when I gave Shelly a ride to Gavin's practice. I was nervous it would be awkward but Cal ran up to us and gave me a hug and chatted with us before heading back. Since then I've seen him again twice and each time was easier. 

Alicia and Dean ended things in December,  she had agreed to meet his family however the night before she panicked. Her anxiousness came off as rude and they started fighting.  She freaked and told him it was over. He still lives in our complex and has done very well with cat like skills and we rarely see him around. Alicia has been a a wreck though she would never admit it. I lost count of how many dates she's been on, I know in her own way she's trying to drown her feelings for Dean.

Speaking of dates I have had a couple since Cal, none of which amounted to anything. One guy I met at a work event, he was working for another agent. Jim, he was the prettiest boy I've ever met, he had dark brown shoulder length hair and olive complexion. His lips were something most girls would envy and along with his muscular build I wondered if he ever modeled. Your probably wondering what went wrong, he was a little too health conscience.  Nothing wrong with that and at first I was enjoying some of his fitness stories but after he made a comment about my drink being high in sugar and then proceeded to order for me (steamed vegetables and brown rice) I was over it. He did ask me out again, he asked me to PAY and sign up for his boot camp class on the beach.  The other date I went on was better but we had zero chemistry.

Today Alicia, Shelly and I were going to a bonfire that Jacob invited me too. Shelly moved off our couch in December and into a studio not far from us,  she was going to meet us here.

"So Jacob invited you?" Alicia bumped me with her shoulder and smiled playfully.  We were applying our makeup in the bathroom mirror.

"Yes Alie, but remember he has a girlfriend and they've been together way to long to try and get in the middle of that." I put on my sweater and inspected my reflection again before heading to the living room to wait.

"Well don't rule him out but I'm sure there will be plenty of other guys there to keep you distracted. In fact that's all I'm looking forward to, maybe I'll get lucky." Alicia said following me into the living room. We both heard a door shut and she ran to the window peeking through the curtain. She did this everytime she heard something outside, she even ran to the window when no sound was made, swearing she heard something.

"Alie, he's never brought a girl to his place, stop stocking him and just tell him you're lost without him,  you need him, he completes you and so on." I said this with a smile but she shot me a dirty look and I shut up. Luckily Shelly was here and we left for the beach before she had a meltdown over what Dean was up to.

It was cool tonight so we hurried to stand in front of the fire and warm up. I was warming my hands when I looked up and through the flickering flames I spotted Jacob. He was laughing at something the guy next to him said. He had a great smile and such a sexy jawline.  It might just be me but I usually can judge how handsome a guy will age by his jawline. If it's strong and defined I feel like he will look even sexier at 50.  He looked around and I swear he's eyes twinkled when he met mine, yeah there was a fire reflecting in them but I'm sticking with it.  He started walking towards me and my chest started beating faster. We've always been friends and even though I was attracted to him I was surprised by my bodies reaction to him.

"I'm so glad you could come,  I've got to say we don't see enough of each other with you living so close." He pulled me into a hug, being a foot taller I came up to his chest and took in his smell, campfire and cologne, it was intoxicating.

"That's true, besides you still need to teach me to surf. " I smiled up at him.

"The water is freezing, but I could get you a wetsuit to wear, I'm afraid of scaring you off though with the water temp so maybe let's give it a couple months." He put up his hand and said one sec and hurried off.

He walked toward a group of girls, great I thought, he was probably getting his girlfriend to introduce us. I shouldn't be upset, he's off limits. I don't think I was ready for this though.  Instead of talking to any of the girls though he stopped at the cooler next to them and grabbed two beers and walked back. I stopped biting my cheek and couldn't help but smile when he returned handing me my drink. I may have been relieved but I knew I should probably get it over with so I blurted out asking where his girlfriend was.

He looked puzzled before he smiled and answered.

"I guess I never told you, we broke up around Thanksgiving."

Nope, I think I would have remembered that.

Coffee and bacon

November 2002

I was hiding out at Vicky's last night and must have fallen asleep because I awoke on her couch to the smell of coffee and bacon. I sat up and tried blinking several times hoping I could get my eyes to water. Ever since I can remember I've been able to cry at the drop of a hat, never a full blown cry but enough tears to get me going. It was an odd talent if we'd call it that, however if I accidentally fell asleep in my contacts it came in handy.

"Morning sleepy head, want some coffee?" Vicky greeted me in the kitchen. Way too perky for me, I instantly freaked and checked the time thinking I overslept and was late to work. Nope I still had an hour and a half to get ready to leave.

"How are you so perky it's way too early." I grumbled as I poured myself some coffee. I sat across from her at the table and grabbed a piece of bacon. I am not a morning person but the salty meat was waking me up some.

"Honey when you get my age you actually enjoy waking up and getting a good start to the day"

"And reading about Ben and J.Lo is a good start to your day?" I nodded toward the magazine she was reading.

"It's for work, I look at the hairstyles and what's in, " she said winking. I inspected Vicky's look today, every week she was sporting some new hairstyle, sometimes she had extensions sometimes it was another color. Today it was wrapped into a puffy high ponytail and jet black. She had on a matching set of pearl earrings and necklace. Her makeup was thick today and topped off with bright ruby red lipstick. I couldn't see her full outfit but from the waist up she had on a pink cardigan with floral detailing embroidered on the neckline. 

"I'm seeing Frank tonight and he's got a thing about the 50's, we're going to some piano lounge he likes downtown." She answered my thoughts. Frank was Vicky's 3rd ex husband.  And just like the first two husband's she remained friendly with him. I don't get their dynamic but I've never seen Vicky down so something must be working.
"I should have you and Cal over one night this week for dinner, maybe Thursday night?" Great I guess I haven't had a chance to mention our split. I sighed and spilled the news.

"Well I can't really say I'm surprised." She told me after grabbing my hand with both of hers. Why does everyone keep saying that they're not surprised.

"I know you really liked him but hon the fire you two had when I first met him back in August, I haven't seen it in you for weeks. Fate will bring you back together if it's meant to be."  Vicky may still have benefits with her ex's but she also had a thing about destiny and everything happening for a reason.

We talked a little longer until I needed to get back to my place to get ready for work. I knocked and hesitantly opened the door squinting to avoid seeing anyone else naked again.

"Relax, Gavin isn't here and I'm fully dressed. " I opened my eyes to see Shelly sitting on the couch,  the cushion was back on it and she was dressed for work.

"What the hell Shelly, I didn't know you liked him?" I hoped I didn't sound too mad I wasn't really, just surprised. Also the fact he was friends with Cal wasn't helping my uncomfortable feeling.

"Listen I met him at a bar a couple weeks ago, he was a complete jerk and I tried to ignore him even though he kept bugging me. I had too much to drink and then he made a comment about the dress I wore to your birthday dinner and how sexy I looked in it. He said the yellow color really intensified my dark brown eyes." She paused and waited for me to say something,  every time I've been around Gavin he always says something self centered so I was a little surprised he remembered her outfit from September, but I stayed quiet.

"I couldn't believe he remembered my dress and it's the nicest thing a guy has said to me in months." She was now twisting her dark brown hair between her fingers and biting her lip, I could tell she was hesitant to continue.  "I went back with him to his dorm and we've hooked up a couple times since." She exhaled and looked at me trying to read my face.

All I could do was laugh, "well I think you could do better and I don't trust him, I've heard the way he talks about girls. But you're a big girl you can sleep with whomever, I can't promise I'll be nice to him though."

"Listen we're not together,  it's just sex, really good sex. There's something about his cocky attitude that really turns me on." Ugh I couldn't handle the dreamy face she was making so I hurried to get ready for work. I wasn't so sure about her hooking up with him but there was a part of me that hoped I would get to run into Cal. Maybe Vicky was right and maybe we would end up back together.



Today is a short post but I should have a couple more up by the weekend :) thanks for reading