Hello

Hi everyone! 

Just got back from our last summer trip before school starts for my eldest. It was amazing, lots of snorkeling, sunbathing and relaxation.  However not a lot of cell service and the place we rented didn't have WiFi like we thought so I wasn't able to post. Hopefully if all goes to plan I will post sometime tomorrow evening or Wednesday morning. 

Thanks for reading!
Juliette 

Family

November 2002

After shutting the door I stood staring at it for what felt like forever. A part of me thought maybe he would return and take back what he said. When it didn't happen I cursed myself for believing all those stupid romance movies.

That's when I went to the kitchen and searched for chocolate.  Reaching to the pit of our pantry I pulled out a box of forgotten hostess cupcakes, there was only one left. This was probably the box Cal got my cupcake from on my birthday. I looked up and tried to blink the tears away but that wasn't helping, I was now in full sob. I squeezed the wrapper until it popped. Reaching in I noticed I smashed my chocolaty medicine. Opening the freezer the cool crisp air hit my tears and felt oddly refreshing.  We never had much in the freezer but I was in luck we still had a carton of moose tracks.  I grabbed a bowl and began scooping. On the bright side I may be eating my pain away but at least I wasn't eating straight out of the carton, though tempting. I poured the hostess crumbs on top of my ice cream and moved to the living room.

I put my back against the front door and slid down. I didn't get half way through my bowl when I pushed it away from me. Now I was sad and sick to my stomach.

Maybe Cal was right, I mean we are young. It had been 5 months though, 5 great months. I hadn't told him yet but I loved him, and I was almost certain he loved me too. "Guess you thought wrong didn't you, " I said outloud, surprising myself how bitchy I sounded. With that I scooted across the wood floors, grabbing my unfinished bowl. I polished it off quickly then laid down. I went over and over the kisses we shared and wondered if there was anything I missed,  any sign recently that he didn't want to be with me. Nothing,  hell just last week Cal mentioned taking a roadtrip together back home for Thanksgiving.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I remember was the front door hitting me in the leg.

"Jules, why are you on the floor? Wait have you been crying you look terrible. " Shelly bent down next to me.

Rolling over and seeing her perky face I scowled back. "Cal...jerk...brokeup," was all I could muster.

"You and Cal broke up?  Oh my God Jules I'm so sorry what happened?" She rubbed my arm and stayed quiet.

I told her everything after I got up and moved to the couch.  She didn't say anything, her eyes did happen to spot the dirty ice cream bowl on the floor and the stain all down my tank top. I noticed it when I sank onto the couch,  I had hoped I didn't look such the mess but didn't care enough to change.

"Listen,  I'm not sure if this will help but I'm kinda not surprised. " Shelly said this too easily I instantly got angry.

"What the hell does that mean, was I just some girlfriend too stupid to notice the signs my boyfriend didn't want to be with me?" I folded my arms and looked straight past her, focusing on the lighswitch on the wall.

"I don't mean that, I just, you guys barely saw each other in October. When you did there was usually a group of his teammates or your friends with you guys. When was the last time he took you on a real date?" I opened my mouth to answer but she cut me off, "Nico's doesn't count his friend Paul works there and you even told me he joined the table on his break."

"I guess your right." I couldn't think of the last time we went out just us. And even when we did it was so short. "I'm just going to miss him." I finally said outloud.

"Well, he could be right maybe right now isn't good timing. Besides now we go out as single women!"  She cheered clearly trying to lighten the mood. I looked at my phone to see the time, I was upset to see I didn't have any messages or missed calls. It was getting late though and I wanted to hit the road. After hugging Shelly I packed the car and headed out.

The drive was way to long, 6 hours in the car the morning after a breakup is torcher. I tried several cds to distract my thoughts.  Considering  90% of songs are about love and heartaches that didn't help. I pulled up to my sisters stucco home and looked in the visor mirror. My eyes were red but nothing too bad, I could just blame it on being tired.

I grabbed my bag and before I could even open the front door it swung open wide. Andrew and Henry burst out of the house yelling.

"Aunty Jules Aunty Jules!" They raced to my side. Bending down I grabbed them both and squeezed tight. Andrew grabbed my bag and tried to carry it in, I laughed because it was too heavy for him but he was determined.  James met him on the lawn and took the bag.

"How's my favorite Lil sis?" James hugged me as we walked inside.

"I'm your only little sister, and I'm good." I wasn't in the mood to tell them about the break up. Besides not like he had ever met Cal. I walked into the kitchen and found my parents and sister. After hugs all around I sat at the barstool and James handed me a beer. My parents have let me drink around them since I was about 18. They trusted I wouldn't abuse it and preferred if I was going to, that it be around them.

"How's everything in California,  you look very tan, did you quit school and work to be a beach bum?" My sister asked as she was dicing tomatoes.

"Haha, no but I do spend most weekends there."

"I remember when Dad was stationed in Coronado in the seventies, I spent most of my time at the beach too." My mom smiled at my dad as if remembering something.

"Yes and I remember always worrying about you sunning in a bathing suit with all those sailors running by." My dad said as he dipped a chip in guacamole.  My dad was in the Navy before I was born. Funny story that's when he met Jacob's dad, Barry, they hit it off and stayed friends long after.

"How's Cal," my mom asked. I was mid chew so I tried to postpone answering, when I couldn't pretend I had any food in my mouth any longer I replied.

"We're going to take a break, we don't see each other much anyways and we're young." I felt like I was just repeating what he told me, hoping if I said it enough I would believe it.

"Need me to drive over there and beat him up?" This came from James,  ever since he married my sister he has taken on the protective brother role quite well. James was built, he was about 6'5 and very strong. He shaved his head and had a lot of tattoos. It's funny because before him Kathy's taste was very preppy, like Gap model. James was opposite and he had hair on his chest something she used to squirm at. Funny how love changes your taste. When Kathy met James she was a goner. She would come over and not stop talking about him, if she ever let you talk you knew she was only half listening. When she described him to our parents my mother was a little worried because she kinda made him sound like some scary looking guy. However he may be huge but he's really just a big teddybear, and he will do anything for you, he would give you the shirt on his back if you needed it.

"No James that won't be necessary," I laughed. Being around my family made me feel so much better, even normal. We chatted a bit longer until dinner then all went to bed early. They had to leave early for the surgery and I would be watching Andrew and Sophie. We were going to visit later tomorrow if the hospital said that was OK.

The next morning I was spooning peas into Sophie's mouth and making silly faces when my phone buzzed.

Cal: if you don't hate me, let me know how Henry's surgery goes.

Cal: I still care about you Juliette.

I cursed myself for smiling, it still made me giddy to see his name on my phone.

Me: I don't hate you.  I will let you know.

I didn't know what to say so I left it at that. About 6 hours later I got a call from my mom saying everything went great and he's in  ICU. I was relieved, the last hours were hard, I would try playing go fish with Andrew or peek a boo with Sophie to distract me but I was looking at the clock constantly. I put Sophie down for a nap and got Andrew and I ready to leave. I packed the diaper bag and as soon as Sophie woke we all headed in my sisters car for the hospital.

When I pushed the stroller in through the automatic doors I was hit with a strong disinfectant smell. I spotted my mom and gave her a hug, she said its been exhausting but they are just so relieved everything went well. I left the kids with her then rode the elevator to the 3rd floor and walked toward Henry's room. Passing all the rooms and seeing the little kids in there was heartbreaking, they were so little. I didn't want to think of why they were here but couldn't help where my mind wondered.

Stepping into his room I was taken aback by all the tubes hooked to him. He looked so tiny getting lost in the hospital bed. He was sleeping so I turned my attention to my sister giving her a big hug. My dad was also there and he hugged and kissed my cheek. We discussed some of how it went when James walked in carrying a couple coffees.

"Jules I'm sorry I didn't get you one, here take mine." He offered his cup.

"No thanks I already had 3 cups, is waking up at 6:00am normal for kids by the way? " I asked.  The rest of the family had just left when Andrew came bouncing up to wake me on the couch this morning.

"Just wait, someday you'll have 5 running around, you'll never sleep." My sister teased me. We talked awhile longer then I bent down to kiss Henry, "I love you baby boy." Then I hugged and kissed my sister and James and told her I would pray for a speedy recovery.  My dad and I left to head back with mom and the kid's.

We decided we were in no mood to cook dinner so we stopped at a BBQ place known for their pulled pork. I ate way to much and with that and getting up extra early I was ready to crash. I stayed through the weekend and visited Henry a couple more times. By day three he had most tubes removed and was leaving the ICU. He looked great and was definitely bouncing back.

The drive back to San Diego was much easier then the drive there and I only thought of Cal every hour, much better success then on the way there.

I put my key in and opened the door wide announcing my arrival. Instead of being met with the welcome I expected I heard a scream followed by a very naked Gavin running toward the bathroom.  Shelly was on the floor holding a couch cushion in front of her body. Her face looked like that of a teenage boy caught fondling himself in the bathroom by his mom. I didn't know what to say so I backed up and shut the door. I busted up laughing at the image of Gavin swinging high to the bathroom. Luckily Vicky was home so I hid out there as long as I could.

Hi everyone!  I thought it would be fun to have some posts flash forwarded here and there. Example: the honeymoon, birth of sons or any other significant days. I put a poll up on the top right of the blog. If you're in mobile view you will need to switch to desktop view.
Thanks so much for reading! 

When it rains it pours

September 2002

"What!? Is it Mom, dad? What happened!?"
I could feel my heart beating faster and I started biting the inside of my cheek, something I do when I'm nervous.

"Woah back it up girl and stop thinking the worst." My older sister spat back at me. She wasn't one to hold back any annoyance she had at anyone including me.

"Who the hell starts a sentence with 'I need to tell you something'!" I tried mimicking her, sounded way more dramatic then she ever did.

"Sorry, it's been a long day, just shut it for a minute and let me talk to you." Her voice trembled slightly and I sat up straight. My annoyance was gone and back was the anxiety something was wrong. I stayed silent and let her talk.

"OK, remember when Henry was a baby and the Dr found that he had a hole in his heart" I nodded even though she couldn't see me.  "Well they hoped the hole in his heart would close but unfortunately it's still a good size and they want to do surgery."

I swallowed, Henry was only 2 1/2. He was a bubbly sweet little boy, the thought of him having his chest open made me sick.

"Oh my gosh Kat, when is the surgery, I don't know anything about this, what...how," I was trying to find the right words without asking what are the risks or worse what is the expectancy of a successful surgery. Luckily my sister knew me and could tell where I was heading.

"Surgery is in November, complications are rare though and rate of success is very high." She sounded a little rehearsed I wondered how many times she has said this.

"Kat, he's going to be ok. I'm coming out of course. I'm sure by Christmas he'll be running around like nothing happened." I said calmly wishing I was with her and having this conversation face to face not on the phone.

"What if something happens, he's so little, the thought of him on the table.." she was now crying and I felt the water forming in my own eyes.

"Something will happen, he'll go in and not long after come out fully fixed and healthy." I was glad my voice managed not to crack when I spoke.

"I know, I know it's just so freaky. No matter how common this is, it's still my baby you know." It wasn't a question but a statement. Her voice was soft now and I could tell her tears had subsided some. She went on to give me dates and some more info. Kathy and James (my brother in law) and their three kids lived in Phoenix. Their eldest Andrew was 5, followed by Henry 2 1/2 and their youngest Sophie was about 6 months old. My sister was 6 years older then me and it wasn't until I was about 14 and stopped being the annoying younger sister that we became closer and more like friends. She married at 20 and about 10 months later had her first child. She may have been young but she definitely found her soul mate in James.  I was very sad when they moved to Phoenix from Colorado right after Christmas last year. However I am super excited now that Phoenix is only about a 6 hour drive away from San Diego.

"Mom and Dad are coming out a couple days before. I know you have a new job and school so I understand if you can't get time off."

"Kat, I will be there, I love you, give my kids a hug and kiss from me and I'll call you after work tomorrow."  I've called her kids mine since the day I held Andrew for the first time.  After I got off the phone I called Cal to talk to him hoping he'd still be awake. His phone rang three times before going to voice mail.  He must have went to bed already.

It was late enough so I grabbed my laptop and started searching the Internet.  I know she said risks were low but I wanted to find as much info as I can about the procedure.  After about the 5th website I found, I kept having to reread the last sentence until I gave up and drifted off to sleep. Wishing November would be here so we could get this over and done.


November 2002

"Dean wants me to meet his parents." Alicia said, I looked back at her and she didn't hide her terrified expression.

The last month had flown by and it was now the day before I drove to Arizona for Henry's surgery. Alicia was helping me pack but I knew the minute she walked into my room with her shoulders down and a gloomy face that gave Eeyore a run for his money, that she wouldn't be helping.

"It has been 4 months and you guys seem very serious now, I don't think it's that big a deal Alie." I said as I rolled each item to fit in my suitcase. I read in some magazine that if you roll your clothes instead of folding them, that they would come out of your luggage wrinkle free. Figured I'd give it a try.

"I know but this is the most serious relationship I've ever been in, the only parents I've met were my prom dates."

"Your almost 19 Alie, not Samantha from sex and the city," I couldn't help but laugh.

"Whatever,  I just don't think I'm ready. We're going out tonight I'll stay at Dean's to give you and Cal some alone time." She sang the last part as she walked out. Shelly was staying over with some guy she met at a bar a couple weeks ago. Walking into the bathroom I looked at my reflection contemplating if I should put on more makeup, I flipped my head upside down giving myself whiplash on the way up. I tried fluffing it out. That wasn't working so I patted it down. I put on some lip gloss and sucked my cheeks in. I kept trying some sexy faces then felt ridiculous so I stuck my tongue out. I was anxious, Cal and I had fooled around plenty but still had yet to go all the way, do people still say that. I remember hearing it in middle school; 'I heard so and so went all the way!'  Was there something wrong with me, I know he wasn't a virgin so it wasn't that. My worrying was interrupted by a knock on the door. Cal always came in and the door wasn't locked, I was cautious as I peeked through the peephole.

It was Cal, I swung the door open and threw my arms around him. He instantly grinned and I kissed both of his dimples and moved to his mouth. We stood there several minutes until my neighbor Vicky walked by and told us to get a room. We moved inside slamming the door then hurried to my room, Cal yanked my shirt off within seconds and removed his own. When he noticed I wasn't wearing a bra his eyes darkened. I slid my arm up his chest and up to his neck pulling him to me.

"Mm...wait," he pulled my hand off and sat on the bed.  "I can't do this without talking first." Scared, mad, nope nervous, he looked very nervous. Suddenly I felt very aware I was topless, I searched for my tank top and threw it on and joined him on the bed.

"Hey, it's OK you know you can talk to me." I rubbed his arm and tried to get him to open up.

"I really want to do this, but I'm not that kind of guy." He ran his hand through his silky black hair and exhaled deeply.

"What are you talking about, I know you've had sex before, is it because I haven't? Because it's OK I..."

"I don't want to be in a relationship anymore," he quickly interrupted me.

I didn't know what to say, I didn't really know what he meant. Now I was the one exhaling. I stayed quiet hoping he would explain himself.

"It's not that I don't want to sleep with you,  trust me I have thought about it for months. But I've also thought about how much we don't see each other and how practice is starting and how young I am. I can't  give  you  what  you  deserve."  He said that last sentence so slowly I almost cut him off to tell him to just spit it out.

"I know we're young,  and sleeping together doesn't mean we're getting married." I tried laughing lightly hoping he would just go back to the Cal I had fallen for, this was beginning to feel like a break up and all I wanted to do was go back in time.

"I can't have sex with you knowing...knowing I don't want to be your boyfriend right now." He said not looking up at me until he finished speaking. I swallowed and tried to blink away the tears. He stroked my cheek and opened his mouth to speak but then shut it again. After what felt like forever he finally spoke, "I don't want to say this is the end, I want us to take some space. You and I know there's something here, if that's strong enough we will find our way back to what we had."

"This isn't some sitcom, we're not going to break up then get back together years later and live happily ever after." Tears no longer filled my eyes, the sad pit in my stomach was turning to anger.

"We don't know that,  let's keep each other in our lives and see where life takes us, I may not want this right now but I know I don't want to loose you forever." He cupped my face and kissed me, I wanted to pull away but I didn't. In some sick attempt I tried to deepen it, maybe he won't be able to resist. It was probably best when he finally backed away. I walked him to the door.

"It's not goodbye?" I know he meant that as a statement but all I remember was the uncertainty in his voice. He was now the one that looked sorrowful. I didn't know what to say so I attempted a smile and slowly shut the door.

Hostess

I wanted to add a quick note: I am shocked at the amount of page views this little blog has gotten! Thanks for reading. I'm still trying to lay some groundwork so hopefully the posts don't feel too slow right now. 
As I navigate around blogger I have come across a handful of blogs I didn't know were out there, I have just started reading them and am excited to catch up. I'll add them to blogs I follow here soon. If you have a blog or have any you read that you don't see on the list please let me know!  
Hope everyone is enjoying the blog so far. Please leave a note if you have any comments. Thanks again for reading!  -Juliette 


September  2002


"Happy birthday, to my best friend and best roommate a girl could ask for." Alicia toasted raising her glass of Moscato.

It was the night of my birthday and instead of going out Alicia and I decided to have a dinner party. We thought it would be grown up of us and planned everything out right down to the place cards.  We wrote everyone's name on these adorable little pumpkins and placed them on top of each guests plate. The rest of the table was decorated with candles and a couple medium size pumpkins and pinecones. Alicia and I both have a love for fall. As soon as September hits and the pumpkin spice latte is available we grab one and hit up Hobby Lobby for fall decor. Yes, we were living with our parents before but that didn't stop us from decorating. San Diego was lacking, they didn't have a Hobby Lobby so we hit up the closest Michaels.  Our apartment was now harvest ready down to the little hand towels with acorns and leaves on them in the kitchen.

I'm not sure I mentioned this yet but, I love to cook. Marrying unique flavors was my favorite part of cooking.  Tonight the menu started off with pumpkin bisque topped with browned butter and fried sage. Following was the main course, macadamian crusted halibut, bacon wrapped asparagus and fresh french bread from my new favorite bakery down the street. Alicia lended a helping hand in the kitchen and was taking care of dessert.

"Thank you, and thanks everyone for coming." I raised my glass and then drank. I feel like I should have said more but I already felt slightly embarrassed with all the attention on me. I don't like surprises,  scratch that, I don't like surprises involving a crowd. For my 16th birthday my parents brought me to my favorite restaurant for dinner, upon walking in I spotted roughly 30 of my friends and family members sitting at several tables at the back of the restaurant.  As soon as I saw them I immediately turned around cheeks bright red.  I quickly said "nope" as I walked past my mother and to the exit. After she talked me down I returned and despite my embarrassment when everyone looked at me I ended up really enjoying myself.

"Jules, this fish is amazing, have you ever thought of going to culinary school?"  Shelly asked me. Shelly was my coworker. She started a couple weeks after I did and we instantly hit it off. When I wasn't studying for a class we always went to lunch together.  She was new to San Diego also and had moved here for her boyfriend Allen about 6 months ago. He was very wealthy and had talked her into focusing on school and not working full time while she did.  Unfortunately shortly after she started at the office she walked in on him and the maid in bed. He tried excusing himself by saying they were having a business meeting and the maid forced him to sleep with him. The maid may have gotten her bonus but Shelly was then homeless and had maxed out the credit card he gave her by getting a room at the hyatt for about a month. When her last week was up I offered our couch until she could find something in budget. Alicia didn't mind, she spent most nights over at Dean's anyways.

"I've thought about it, not sure I'd like to work nights and weekends though." I grabbed another piece of bacon wrapped asparagus, it's my birthday I can stuff myself if I want to.

"Mmm, you could go to culinary school then just cook for me, my own private sexy chef." Cal said with a mouthful. I blushed at how much he seemed to be enjoying my food. As I reached for my glass of wine I noticed Dean was placing more food on his plate also and was sporting a wide grin from ear to ear. I laughed to myself, he may always eat us out of house and home but he did always stock our bar with whatever drinks we asked of him.

"Well, I am officially stuffed, but I could save room for cake. We didn't go out so the least you could do is have some birthday cake right?"  This statement came from Gavin, Gavin was Cal's roommate and teammate. He also wasn't my favorite person, but for some reason was Cal's. I figured I would invite him to be nice, however as soon as he got here he stated that the only people he knew who had dinner parties were his parents. I ignored him and thanked God I wasn't dating him and reminded myself it was Cal that mattered.  And if Cal was his friend I would have to get used to him.

"Just a sec," Alicia ran into the kitchen.

"Happy birth....woah," she had kept up the same pace she had running into the kitchen and lost her balance on the way back. She tried to catch her fall by leaning forward and with one hand she grabbed for Dean's shoulder and the other still holding the cake. For a second it looked like she would recover, no such luck she landed right in Dean's lap, and so did the cake. There was cake everywhere, all over dean's face and down Alicia's chest. Alicia looked like she was about to cry and the rest of us just stared not sure what to say. Just when her lip began to quiver Dean bent his face down to her chest and licked the white frosting right off her her collerbone.

"Buttercream, yum!" Dean said. At that we all burst out laughing.  Well Alicia stared at him with a shocked expression, luckily her mouth curved into a grin and she joined in the laughter. Gavin made a stupid joke about wanting to join in on eating the cake off Alicia but Dean and her had already walked away to go cleanup so I don't think they heard him.

The rest of us chatted a while longer until we heard a loud thud in the bathroom, the thud was then followed by moans and giggling. Guess they wanted to take advantage of dessert.

I got up and started collecting dishes to clean up. I was quickly interrupted by Shelly shooing me away and demanding I relax, it's my birthday. I wasn't going to argue so I went in my room to take out my earrings,  bad choice on my part thinking I could wear two dollar earrings from a local tourist trap and not have them affect my ears. They were so cute though, little silver starfish. Living by the beach I now loved all things nautical.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday day to you, happy birthday my Juliette, happy birthday to you." I turned around to see Cal holding up a hostess cupcake with a lit candle.  "Sorry about the cake, this was all I could find in the pantry."

He's so adorable I thought as I kissed him. I blew out the flickering candle and made my wish. Placing the cupcake down on my nightstand I grabbed Cal's shirt and pulled him to me.  He reacted quickly and put his hand behind my head and deepened the kiss. His mouth parted and I eagerly explored. I went to grab for his shirt and pull it off.

"We should go, coach Tony wants us to be there bright and early." Gavin had some nerve interrupting us. He was standing in the doorway with a cocky grin on his face.

I waited for Cal to tell him to leave without him. He looked at me then back at Gavin, something in his eyes told me he wasn't staying.

"I should go babe, last thing I want is to show up late." He gave me another quick peck and waited for me to give him the green light.  It wasn't practice, it was just some team get together but I know how important this was to him so I put a smile on and walked them out.

Guess my wish didn't come true and I'd be spending another night alone.  Right then my phone vibrated on my nightstand. I checked it thinking it was Cal.

Jacob: happy birthday Jujie! Hope your wish comes true!

I surprised myself with how excited I was to see the message was from Jacob. Since the night we ran into each other we've talked a handful of times. He was currently involved with his high school girlfriend, I should say high school sweetheart but there's a little part of me that didn't want to use the word sweetheart.  We haven't met up yet but always mention we should. I have seen his sister Amanda since I moved though, met up for coffee about two weeks ago. The conversation was easy and we caught up on each other's lives. It wasn't until she dropped a bomb on me that the conversation turned south. I rolled my eyes as I remembered our conversation.

"He's married?" I managed to spit out while choking on my blueberry scone, crumbs fell from my mouth and I grabbed my drink to help me recover. Scones are delicious but why do they always have to fall apart when you take a bite? 

"Yeah but he's leaving her, they haven't been happy for years before he met me." Amanda said getting defensive.  Amanda was a year older then I was and and the guy she was seeing was 10 years her senior. 

"Does Jacob know?" 

"Only that I'm seeing an older guy but not that he's married." She pulled her light brown curls away from her face and with a twist she jammed the pen she was holding into her hair. She must have seen the worried expression on my face because she quickly tried to convince me it was ok, Miles (the boyfriend) was incredible and she fully trusted him. They met at her work and after he kept emailing her to have have lunch she finally relented. They hit it off quickly and have been seeing each other for about 7 months. I wasn't convinced, if his marriage was so terrible and he really did love Amanda he would have left his wife by now.
The rest of our meet up went well and we dropped any conversation about Miles.

Bringing myself back to the present I decided to send a message back to Jacob, after typing out a response and deleting it for the third time I finally settled on,
Me: thanks! My wish had to make a rain check but I did have a great bday.

Really is that all I could think of, I hit my forehead and fell onto my bed.

Jacob: don't tell me u spent your bday alone?!

I went to respond when my phone lit up indicating a call was coming in. My sister Kathy was calling.

"I'm going to ignore the fact that you waited until 10:30 to call your favorite sister and wish her happy birthday." I greeted her.

"Jules, I'm sorry for not calling earlier, but there's something I need to tell you."

Slice of cherry please

August 2002

I turned around only to find myself face to face with Jacob. Jacob the brother of my old friend Amanda. Jacob the boy I compared any kiss too after we kissed when we were 13.  I looked at him, more like up at him, he was tall, like really tall. And no longer was he scrawny or could you describe him as geeky. His blonde hair was trimmed on the sides and longer on the top. He had piercing eyes and a strong jawline. His height was intimidating and he clearly had spent his time working out, he was thin and defined.

"Jacob, oh my God how are you!?" I yelled over the music.

"I'm good, listen Juliette can you step outside a sec?" He didn't wait for me to respond he started toward the exit. I looked around for Cal and noticed him talking to a couple people so I followed Jacob out.  Once outside Jacob grabbed me and hugged me tight.

"Wow, how long has it been?" He asked taking his time breaking the hug.

"Well I think our family visited San Diego a few years back so I guess 3 years." I couldn't stop staring at him, it was like looking at someone you knew so well but also had the face of some heartthrob. He had grown some facial hair and I wasn't hating it. It did make him look older. Right then I wondered if his girlfriend liked it, then my mind wondered further and I was curious if it tickled to kiss him. Wuah ok come back mind.

"Amanda said you were moving here, I don't think I believed her, but here you are."

"Yeah in the flesh, I moved a little over a month ago. I have an apartment not far from here with a friend."

"That's great, my dad moved out and I'm staying in the house. We rent out the other rooms, works for me since I don't live on campus." According to Amanda, Jacob went to Sdsu. Well he would this year.

"How have you been, I heard your parents split?"   This may have been forward but I've known Jacob since forever so I didn't feel like I was prying too much.

"It's alright, I've been on my own since Christmas of senior year but hey, who wouldn't want to have a house with no parents at 17?"  He laughed it off but I could hear the sarcasm in his voice.

" I heard you are a great surfer, you think you could teach me?" I quickly changed the subject.

"Of course, Jujie I would love to teach you. " he's called me Jujie since I can remember and just hearing him say it made my stomach react. I was starting to feel guilty even though nothing had happened.  We exchanged numbers and another hug. I went back in and searched the crowd for Cal.

He was with the same couple people I saw him with earlier. I walked up to him and stood as close to him as possible, waiting for him to acknowledge me. They were discussing some sports team, maybe football, I don't know. Cal finished a sentence and looked at me with a smile. He pulled me to him until I was sitting in his lap. The discussion continued and I was slowly growing tired. I looked around to see Alicia dancing with Dean. They looked so content together and we're slow dancing or more just hugging tightly and swaying side to side, even though the song was not a slow song. I smiled to myself and hoped Cal and I looked like that. I turned back to Cal and searched his face. He must have noticed me staring because he stopped talking and kissed me, the kissed was short and sweet but I couldn't help feeling a little uneasy.

The next day Cal, Alicia, Dean and I took a drive to a small town outside San Diego called Julian. It was a cute country town known for their apple pies. We waited in a terribly long line for a slice, only for me to get a slice of cherry. I know it may not be American of me but I don't like apple pie, I did however try the apple cider which made me eager for fall. After exploring the small town some more we headed back in Dean's wrangler to the city.

I was looking out the window focused on the scenery when Cal intertwined his fingers through mine. I glanced at him and he was smiling but also looked so serious. I can have a serious moment from time to time but for some reason I usually ruin it by saying something funny or making a face. This time was no different, I made some silly face and we both laughed. Cal pulled me closer to him and put an arm around me. Right then I knew I felt completely comfortable and content. Maybe this relationship would last longer then all of my lasts, wait it already had! My content filling was gone and rearing it's ugly head was the anxious monster, the one that forces your mind to worry and think of the worst case scenario.  He started school soon, so do I,  what if we got so busy and drifted apart? Most of my classes are nights, when will we see each other? What if he meets someone new,  whom I kidding, of course he'll meet tons of new people,  hot college girls to name a few.

"Wanna grab some dinner before I head up to Malibu tonight?" Cal broke me from my thoughts.

"Sure..I mean unless you want to leave early to get there. You might want to get settled in before it's too late. Or maybe your uncle doesn't stay up late? "  I was rambling and went to say something else but was cut off with his lips touching mine.

"I just want to spend as much time with you as I can." And then this time I kissed him back. I felt silly for worrying so much, we could make this work.

Almost

August 2002

The next day was amazing! Cal and I spent the day at the beach. While I tried to get a tan Cal found a group of volleyball players and jumped in a game. My eyelids were growing heavy and just when I was almost out, my sunny view was replaced by a tall shadow. Cal dropped down next me and flashed a perfect smile, I'm awake now.

"How come you're not scared?"

"Were you trying to scare me?" I asked confused.

"No, you moved far from home and are living on your own, well with a roommate, but you've never once mentioned being scared of any of it."  His question caught me off guard, I mean don't get me wrong there was a few nights I went to bed secretly wishing I was still back home in my safe and familiar childhood room.

"Well I guess I'm just more excited about what the future holds, plus I haven't told anyone else this but, my dad sent me a open ended plane ticket back to Denver. He said he hoped I never had to use it but that they would always be there for me if I needed to come back." I didn't realize my eyes had gotten a little teary until Cal wiped a single tear away on my cheek. "Great, now I'm scared." I playfully hit his arm and giggled a little to lighten the mood.

"Listen, I'm scared too, back at Franklin I was a big ball player and here, here I'm hoping I'll at least not be the worst on the team." He looked at me with such worry in his eyes.

"Hey, you're going to do great you always have, the team is going to be lucky to have you."  I told him, he gave me a small smile and with the same hand he wiped my tear away with, he held the back of my head pulling me to him. He kissed me softly then put his hands through my hair.  "You cut your hair, I must be a crappy boyfriend if I'm just now noticing."  It had been almost a full day and I was beginning to think he didn't like it but didn't want to say anything.

"Hungry? A couple of the volleyball players mentioned a great bar near here where we can get in."  I was hurt he didn't say if he liked my hair but maybe I was just being a girl.

We packed up our stuff and walked back to the apartment.  I was showering off when Cal entered the bathroom. I paused and my heart started pounding.  We still hadn't had sex, and obviously that still made me a virgin. I know I want Cal to be my first and the romantic in me wanted him to be the only. But we haven't really had a chance yet and weren't rushing it. He pushed back the curtain and my cheeks got hot fast. We hadn't seen each other naked yet and the most he'd seen was my shirt off.  Though the little red bikini I wore earlier left little to the imagination I still felt exposed. He smiled and pulled his shirt off and removed his shorts. Wow, OK rumor was true. He leaned in and turned the water off. I was a little surprised, from the looks of it he was going to join me. He grabbed my hand and asked me to step out, as soon as I did he kissed me. Soft at first and then quickly he forced my mouth open. I leaned into him and felt him harden. He leaned against the vanity and I began kissing his chest and going lower. I looked up at him and he showed those dimples and nodded. I kissed him again and slowly moved down. When I took him into my mouth he moaned. I wasn't sure if this was how we were going to go but the sounds he was making made me want to continue, I was so turned on by how turned on he was. He pulled harder on my hair and called out my name when he finished.  Well that didn't take long I thought to myself.  I stood up and hoped we could continue to play around. Cal grabbed my chest and with a grunt he said he better take a shower now.

"Ok, I'll just get dressed and get ready in my room." I smiled and wrapped a towel around myself.

 We got ready and headed to the bar. Alicia and Dean were also coming. Alicia and I had a couple fake id's since junior year and apparently so did Cal. After getting in Cal spotted a couple of the volleyball players he met earlier.  Alicia and I quickly hit the dance floor, we were busy jumping around to get the party started when I felt someone tap my shoulder.  I turned around and was stunned to see him...

He's finally here

August 2002

Our first month in our new place went very well. We had managed to meet a few of our neighbors and Alicia was right a couple of the guys were not bad to look at. Alicia was actually sorta hooking up with Dean, he was 21 and going to UCSD also, so they hit it off quickly. He was tall, ripped and had curly blonde hair. Alicia had long wavy blonde hair and fit the California girl picture so they were pretty cute together.

"What time does Cal get in?" It was already the 15th and my man was flying in. I barely slept last night and had a hard time focusing on work today. Luckily I was able to take tomorrow off so Cal and I could spend the entire day together.

My job was going well also, the first two weeks were spent at classes helping you study for the tests. I did take my auto/fire and life/health tests and already passed! My agent was very happy and quickly got me on a commission structure.

"His plane lands at 8:15, I'm freaking out though what if he doesn't like my new look!" One of our neighbors, Vicky, was a hairstylist and after getting to know her better I somehow let her talk me into chopping my light brown locks. She cut it in a Bob that hit just below my chin. She also added some highlights which I loved.

"Just relax, your hair looks amazing, he'll love it." Alicia was slightly shaking my shoulders,  was I really acting like a crazy lady?

"Yeah don't worry about it, he'll think it's hot, hey you guys have any mustard?" Dean said, he was standing in the doorway of the kitchen holding out a sandwich he apparently just made. Alicia went into the kitchen to show him and I grabbed my keys to head out.

The airport was pretty busy with summer traffic. After driving around the terminal for the third time I finally spotted him. He was wearing jeans and black and gray baseball shirt.  God he looked amazing his black hair a little messy from the trip. He looked a little tired but even tired he was the hottest guy outside the airport right now.

I pulled to the curb and quickly got out running up to him.  I wrapped my arms around his neck and he instantly kissed me. Just as he started to deepen the kiss a airport worker told us to move it along. We hoped into the car and headed back to my place.

"I can't believe you're really here." I glanced over to him. He was smiling and had his head on the headrest with his eyes closed.

"Me too, the last month felt like an eternity."

Cal didn't have to move onto campus until closer to the end of this month. He was going to stay with me through this weekend and then he was staying at his uncles in Malibu. His parents were meeting him there then they wanted to help move him into the dorm on the 26th.

I introduced Cal to Dean who was now munching on some chips and salsa, I swear he's always eating. They exchanged some bro hi five hand shake thing and I lead Cal back to my room. He put his duffle bag down and grabbed my waist.

"It's been too long," he said in between kisses. I moaned and pulled him towards the bed.

"Listen, I'm tired, mind if I pass out?"  I was a little disappointed but I guess it was ok. I showed him the bathroom and he got ready for bed. I wasn't tired seeing as it only 9:45 so I let him rest and joined Alicia and Dean in the living room. We played cards for a couple hours and then I slipped into bed. I thought maybe Cal had enough rest and maybe I could wake him for some fun but the most I got out of him was him wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me closer. Not going to lie, I wanted more but it did feel good just to cuddle with him. Soon I drifted off to sleep.

New home

June 2002

"Whaaaat?!" I dramatically said. I was fast asleep and hated being woken up.

"So I went back to Bob's place," Alicia said jumping onto the bed trying to wake me up more.

"Did you really sleep with him? Alie really, I know you are all about casual hookups but you just met him!" I was clearly awake now and not really in the best of moods.

"Well we almost did but we couldn't." She said timidly.

"Why, what happened,  is he married? "

"He's divorced but his ex still lives with him, like a separate bed in the same basement! " she said this so fast I almost didn't catch it.

"Oh my gosh was she there!?"

"We started fooling around on his futon in the family room and she walks down the stairs. He barely acknowledged her and was still trying to kiss me. I pushed him off and that's when she introduced herself as his wife. He then corrects her the she's his ex. She then sits on the other chair and starts asking me questions about myself."

"You're joking." 

Alicia grabs a pillow and shoves it in her face and screams. "I wish! Then he tells her to leave us alone and let him finish.  It gets worse, as she is walking back to some room he calls her back and asks if she wants to join us instead! "

"Hahahahaha, what happened next?" I could use some popcorn I'm now fully awake and entertained.

"I told him no freaking way and I tried to run out, then I couldn't find my purse, as I was searching for it his wife had joined him on the futon and they were heavily making out!"

I couldn't help it I just kept laughing.

"Shut up! When I bent down to grab my purse her shirt hit me in the face, apparently clothes were coming off. I ran out of that house so fast."

"How'd you get back here I thought 'Bobby' was your ride?"

"He lived next to the diner." The diner was in the parking lot of the hotel.

"Oh my gosh Jules I was mortified. He was 27 and still living on a futon in his parents basement.  What was I thinking,  I really liked him then the thought of a fling on our road trip sounded exciting.  But it was the opposite. " she then flung her self down on the bed and dramatically put her arm over her face and just when I thought she might cry, she burst out laughing. 

We both started laughing so hard we did cry. It was about 2am so we eventually fell  asleep.

That morning we hurried up to head out and hoped we didnt have a run in with dirtbag, no he was no longer blue eyes.

After a long 10 hours later with several stops in between including taking pictures in front of a welcome to California sign, we took the exit to our apartment.  I pulled up to the complex and we started squealing. This was it, we no longer lived with our parents. We had our own place, and bills but I don't want to think about that right now.

 It was a small complex with about 8 bungalows, four on each side. We were the last one on the right. It was almost dark so we hurried up and unloaded the car. It was partially furnished so we at least both had beds in our rooms. The bungalow apartment was all hardwood floors and built probably in the 40's which I loved. It had so many cute features like crown molding and cute retro kitchen with peach and green tile. I picked the room closest to the back and Alicia picked the room in the front of the apartment. 

 My room had a queen bed frame and mattress but that was it. I put my clothes away and put some sheets and a comforter on my bed. When I was done I put my toiletries away and took a quick shower. When I went into the living room I saw Alicia was showered and dressed and was braiding her hair.

"It's 10:30, I'm tired but I hate the idea of doing nothing our first night."

"Yeah let's walk over to a restaurant and scope out the area." Our apartment was located within walking distance to bars and shops. It was late but it was a Saturday night and still summer so I wasn't worried about something being open.

"OK just let me call Cal and then we'll go."  I had briefly talked to him this morning but the conversation was cut short when he said his boss was telling him his break was up.

"Hey babe," he answered right away and of course his greeting made me blush.

"Hey there, we got in a couple hours ago and not having a lot of stuff really helped with unpacking because I'm already done." I said as I laid down on my bed.

"Uh I can't wait to get there and hold you." There's the Cal I had fallen for, I feel like since I left, while it wasn't long ago,  that he'd been off a little.

"I want that too, can't you come before the 15th?" I asked him the same question I've asked him in the last three weeks.

"You know I wish I could but I can't, " after he said that I swear I heard a girls voice in the background calling his name.

"Where you at," I tried to sound casual and not naggy.

"Kevin's, he invited a bunch of us over to have a bonfire, listen I should get back, I'll call you tomorrow? " well that was another short call but OK.

"Yeah, we're going shopping for some house supplies but otherwise I'm not busy."

"K bye babe," and with that statement he hung up.

"I just saw our neighbor walk by and he's freaking hot!" Alicia said.  I looked up and saw her smiling excitedly. Might as well enjoy myself, Cal sure is.

Road trip

June 2002

It was the end of June already and Alicia and I were putting the last of our things in my Hyundai. It was a small car so we couldn't fit much but two 18 year old girls have a lot of clothes.

"Just don't forget about your old parents when you fall in love with California, " my mom said giving me her eighth hug. My parents were probably some of the best parents you could have. They were strict enough to care but also gave you enough independence to let you know they trusted you. I walked over to my dad and saw the tears in his eyes.

"Never," I said giving him a kiss on the cheek and hugging him tight. I was always a daddy's girl and would definitely miss him. My mom and I talked more so I knew I'd get my mom fix but dad wasn't a big phone talker. Hopefully with his youngest out of the house he will have to use the phone more.

"Alright nothing else will fit, ready Jules?" Alicia said as she hugged my parents goodbye. Alicia was always over at our house so she tended to treat my parents like a second set. She only had her mom, her dad passed when she was five. She had said her goodbyes this morning before she came here.

After another set of hugs and I love yous we were finally in the car heading west.

"He really couldn't get out of work to say goodbye? " Alicia was referring to Cal not being at my parents house. He had said late last night that his boss called him in last minute and he couldn't see me off. He worked at a department store so I doubt it was that important to not miss a morning but I wasn't going to be the annoying girlfriend.  We'd been together 3 wonderful weeks and would see each other in august so I couldn't be too upset.

"No but it's fine I'll see him in a little over a month." We then started talking about all the stuff we needed to buy when we got to our apartment.  The apartment was small but luckily had two bedrooms. And best yet it was near the beach, a good walk away, but being land locked my whole life a fifteen minute walk to the beach was as good as beachfront.

Before we knew it, it had been 8 hours and after 3 gas/pit stops I was tired of driving. We were in some small town in Utah and I saw a holiday inn. I pulled in and we grabbed a room. I had a good amount of money in savings and my parents gave some cash for the trip so I had no desire to stay at some bates motel. Luckily Alicia's mom gave her a debit card and she's filled up each time we needed too. Amazing the expense to move cross country.

The room was clean and so we took turns freshening up. We left to find food and we're pretty disappointed with our options. Well there was a diner open and being that it was getting late (small town late) we went in and grabbed a booth. I checked my phone which had died on the way so I charged it at the hotel. One missed call from my mom but that was it. No sign of Cal which was weird because he always, OK in the three weeks we were together, called after he got off work.

"Those boys are so hot," Alicia said grabbing my attention. I turned to see the three guys she was referring too and they looked easily 5 to 7 years our senior. One was cute with deep blue eyes and a nice smile but the other two were nothing special.

"Ugh Alie, they're way too old for you and look one has a tie on, he's clearly a grown up." We may be going off on our own and I know legally we are adults but I felt far from one.

"Just be my wing girl," she said smiling and giving a small smile to the guys. Uh alright, I've done this before.

"Good evening ladies, don't think I've seen you around here, I know I'd remember your pretty faces," blue eyes said. Ew he called us ladies and used such a stupid pick up line. Alicia giggled clearly not caring.

"We're on a road trip, moving to California!" She bated her eyelashes at him.  His other friends walked over also and Alicia asked them to join us. Apparently they all worked at some local call center. Boring. Blue eyes also went by Bob, really Bob haha. I forgot his friends names and focused on my blt the waiter brought over. Once I was done I answered a couple questions from beer gut, I really did forget his name. I looked over at Alicia and she was practically in Bob's lap giggling away. Uh I loved Alicia,  she has been my best friend since 3rd grade but she was kinda easy and attracted to some losers.

"Alie I think I'm going to head to the room. " I put down some cash and got up to leave. Beer gut tried to grab my arm and protest my leaving but I quickly shot him down. 

"Ready Alie?"

"You go on ahead I'll be back soon, Bobby here says he'll drop me off."

Alright, I should have dragged her out of there but she's too stubborn and Bob seemed nice enough, a little sleazy but nice enough.

I got back to the room and checked my phone again as if I missed it buzzing while holding it the entire dinner. The summer sun was just setting and I closed the curtains and turned on the tv. An episode of Everwood was on so I snuggled up to watch it and drifted off to sleep.

"Jules, Jules wake up! You'll never guess what happened!" 

Graduation gift

June 2002

"His girlfriend walked up!" Alicia squealed.

"Ex! And yes I was so uncomfortable."

Sam was who I saw approaching and she had this evil smile on her face. For a second I inwardly freaked that maybe the rumor wasn't true and they were still in fact a couple.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Sam practically yelled, OK now I'm really freaking did I just help a guy cheat?

"Sam, it's over you know you can't ask that," Cal said easing my nerves a little.

"We just broke up and you're already whoring around with, who is this anyways?" She threw her hand in my direction like she could care less about the answer. I know I wasn't a part of her cheerleading group but I had 2 classes with her this semester. How is it that some people stay so closed minded they only hang out with their crew all year. Sucks for them though when schools over and they aren't all taking the same path.

"Listen I should go, and it's Juliette by the way, I sat behind you in Mr. H's class." Don't know why I bothered to inform her, the look on her face showed she wasn't going to process that info.

"Wait Juliette," Cal called to me when I had managed to hop off the tramp as graciously as I could in this short tight dress. I turned around glad he was acknowledging me, I had been a little annoyed I was the one who had to introduce myself to the crazy ex.

"Listen," he was whispering which was weird. "I should probably have a talk with Sam but I don't have your number." I was annoyed he wanted to talk to her but I also still had a massive crush and the butterflies were break dancing in my stomach when he asked for my number. I entered it into his flip phone and turned around to see Sam was still on the other side of the trampoline with her arms crossed and a snotty look on her face. Funny I always thought she was one of the prettiest girls but now she just looked like a angry baboon.

"What are you going to do?" Alicia asked me bringing me back to the present. After I went back inside to the party I talked her into leaving early. The last thing I wanted to do was stick around. We were now in her basement hanging out on the couch with reruns of top model on in the background.

"It was so weird, like he asked for my number which was great but he also did it with his ex right there watching. Plus why'd he have to talk to her anyways?" I feel like I'd got what I wanted, his attention, but would Sam still be a problem?

"Well I saw the way he was looking at you and I think he's smitten!" I laughed, who says smitten. "Plus Kara says Alex told her he's thought you were hot forever he just also had a girlfriend."  Here we go again with he said she said. However I think with how quick it took us to start kissing maybe he has liked me. Or maybe we're just horny teens. Either way I was anxiously waiting his call.

His call didn't come that night or the next, or the next. I was starting to think he got back together with Sam. Which according to one of Alicia's friends, who works at Chipotle, said he saw them there the other day. But Alicia says she can't confirm if this was before or after Sunday's party.  

I was sitting at work on Friday afternoon counting down the minutes to 5 when my phone beeped. He's calling! I looked behind my back to see my boss was still in her office with clients and the door was shut.

"Hey," I answered it on the third ring, didn't want to appear too eager.

"Juliette I'm so glad you answered. Listen I've been a mess since Sunday night and need to see you, meet me at Saul's at 8?" Well that was quick and to the point. I quickly agreed and told him I had to go because my boss was coming.  It wasn't true but I panicked and didn't want to have any awkward silence. OK my high school crush just asked me out, I was inwardly dancing, whom I kidding I was dancing in my office chair.

As soon as the clock hit 5 I ran out of the office and headed straight home, calling Alicia on the way. Not everyone in my school had a cell yet, most but not all and with having a pretty decent job for a teen I was lucky enough to have a new model. Little did I know in barely anytime everyone would have one and my model would quickly be outdated but for now I was pretty impressed by my Sanyo flip phone. It had a camera feature, which to an 18 year was awesome. Alicia picked up right away and I told her to be at my house in ten.

We went through my closet and debated on what I should wear. I already used my best dress at the party so that was out.

"Alie! This is so major I mean I know I'm getting ahead of myself but he could be the one, I mean what are the chances we are both going to San Diego!"  I dropped dramatically onto my bed, ah being a teenager when we can get away with being melodramatic.

"Yeah well I think you should just ask him to marry you tonight then." She said laughing.

"I'm serious,  when we kissed all I wanted to do was take him then and there and you know how I feel about kissing." I had this thing about kissing, out of the guys I've kissed if I wasn't supposed to be with him I always felt sick to my stomach and creeped out after a kiss. If I didn't feel that way then I knew my feelings were real.

"I haven't felt good about a kiss since Jacob." Jacob was the brother of my childhood friend Amanda. He was kinda geeky and I knew he had the hots for me since forever. He and his sister came to visit when we were 13 and after talking about our dreams (yes 13 year Olds have dreams!) we kissed. We were in my backyard and his sister had gone inside. I don't know why but somehow we were kissing and I wasn't hating it. We broke the kiss quickly though when Amanda opened the screen door and was coming back out. We didn't kiss again or talk about it and they flew back home the next day. Guess where he lives, yep San Diego, haha of course. But we haven't talked in a couple years and per his sister he's pretty serious about his high school girlfriend.

I settled on a summer dress and began putting on makeup. After I was satisfied with my cat eye liner I grabbed my Jean jacket and left with Alicia to Saul's. She was going to the arcade next door with some of our other friends. Saul's was a deli style restaurant,  you order at the counter and grab a number. When I walked in I quickly spotted Cal, he was sitting at a corner booth and already had a number.

"Hope you like roast beef because I already ordered you a sandwhich."  I didn't I actually hated beef but I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I just smiled. Dinner went pretty nice we were able to keep a conversation going smoothly and he never brought up Sam. Which there was a part of me that wanted to know what happened after I left the party.

"Wanna come with me to a special spot?" Cal asked me. I was curious where he was talking about so of course I agreed. I got in his pickup and anxiously waited as he drove. He was driving to school which was weird but ok. Parking by the field we got out and he grabbed my hand. He lead me onto the baseball field and we sat down against the wall facing third base.

"I come here when no one's around to just think." Ugh I loved that he had a spot for his thoughts.

"Mine's usually the park, I'm probably the only creepy teenager who stalks the swings waiting for a 5 year old to get off." We both laughed and that's when he leaned in stroked my cheek and kissed me. He deepened the kiss quickly and before I knew it his hand had made its way up the skirt of my dress. It was a flowy sundress so it wasn't hard for him to lift it up enough to cup my breast. My heart was beating and he tasted so good I didn't want him to stop. We were out in the open it's not like he'll try to steal home right here, right? He took off my jacket and rolled it up then leaned my head down onto it. He started kissing me again and he shifted from sitting down to practically laying on top of me. OK um...I don't want to do it right here. Mm I moaned but this did feel great. His hands found their way back up my dress and as soon as he touched my thong I pushed him up.

"I don't want to do it here!" I gasped suddenly feeling embarrassed I looked down and adjusted my dress. 

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to freak but.." I looked up at him and that same look from last week was back but quickly he changed it to a small smile.

"Juliette, I would never want you to do something you don't.  Is it about being out here because I've got some blankets in the truck we could pick this up in the bed." He said this and started nibbling on my ear.

"Um...I don't want to go there either."

"Juliette have you ever...?" He asked, luckily his tone didn't come across judgey but I still felt embarrassed.

"No, I mean it's not like I don't want to but I've never really dated more then like a month and I mean I'm not like ancient," I was fumbling my words. I just didn't want my crush to think I was a prude.

"Juliette you don't have to explain yourself,  you're cute," he said chuckling.  "Listen I get it let's take this slow, but just so you know I want this to be something, like will you be my girlfriend? " oh my gosh did he really just say that! I'll ignore how many times he said 'like' tonight also because he's just too hot. 

"Yes of course," I said smiling too big not to look like a giddy school girl.

"It's perfect, you go out to California the end of this month and I'll be there in August." Now he was the one smiling all big,  those dimples!

We spent the rest of the night in his truck making out. Best graduation gift I could ask for!

Cal

May 2002

"Wow, it's really over," said my friend Alicia passing me her red lipstick. It was graduation weekend and we were getting ready for a party at another senior's, well former senior's house.

"I know they tell you high school is the time of your life when you're a freshman and then when you're a senior they're all, 'now it's time to start your life!'"  I was currently trying on my fifth outfit, this one was a form fitting tank top and my favorite Abercrombie & Fitch Jean mini skirt. Ugh nothing was right but I'll settle on this.

Alicia turned to me, held out her arms and in the most dramatic fashion she says,

"Kara said that Alex told her that Cal is definitely going to be there!"  Cal was the guy I was stressing about my clothes over. Cal was the guy most girls from Franklin High were stressing about their wardrobe over.

"Well considering he's taken, that news doesn't make me as excited as you are." I said rolling my eyes.

"Well, Sam told Tina who told Alex who told Kara that they broke up last night!"

"Shut up!" Now she had me listening.

"It's true, I guess she was mad that he was running off to California and leaving her."

"Leaving her? Running off? He's going to college which is normally what people do after high school, on that note I better wear this instead." Going through my closet I pulled out the one dress I knew showed off my curves. It was a little black dress with spaghetti straps that hugged tight. It was a purchase I made 4 months ago and have yet to wear, I had tried it on 6 months ago and after going back and trying it on 4 times I finally bought it. $90 bucks on an 18 year olds budget was a big deal. I was waiting for the perfect moment and this was it.

Walking into kevin's house and seeing half of the student body there made my heart start to race. I had a good high school experience not to many embarrassing moments, and I had a good amount of friends but I was shy and being shy in high school doesn't help you.  Tonight though I told myself I was going to be bold.  After hugging a handful of friends I accepted a drink from Alex. Alex was Kara's boyfriend. He was average height and had an athletic build with a very pretty boy face. His parents were from Boston and even though I've never been I always pictured him attending Harvard and joining the rowing team. Rumor has it he got into Brown.

"Juliette, I hear you're heading to California? " Alex asked me.

"Yep! Headed to San Diego next month."   You're probably wondering what school I got into, well I didn't. I honestly never thought I'd be able to afford it. My parents couldn't and I didn't like the idea of a bunch of loans. Now I'm sure there's some grants or scholarships I could apply for but I always thought you had to be really struggling for them to give you money and my parents weren't that bad off they just couldn't afford to pay my way. Really I just didn't look into my options very well, but tell that to the freshman who's given a piece of paper listing what classes she has to take for university and how many if you don't choose the university route. Well I saw the short list and took it so I would have to start at community college anyways, which is what I'm going to do. Alicia got into UCSD and her mom was going to pay for her half the rent on a little 2 bedroom we found. She asked me to move with her and of course I had to, I was definitely over Colorado and our crazy weather. The thought of 60 degree weather everyday and the beach just made it all the more reason to go.

I had already secured a job at a small insurance office. My first job in high school was admin help at a local insurance office, when I turned 18 in September I took some classes and a nice long test and got my license to sell insurance products.  Boring I know but it will help pay the bills. Back in April Alicia and I took a road trip to San Diego and I interviewed with a couple agents. One was this 70 year old guy who kept complimenting me throughout the interview and giving me the creepies. Another was a younger guy maybe early 30's who had just started his agency and was eager to build his book. Also he liked the idea that I had experience and he was going to pay for me to get licensed in CA. So good news I start with him the end of June!

"Well I'm sure you'll look good laying out on the beach, wish I was moving there instead of Rhode Island," with that statement Alex tried grabbing my waist and dancing with me. I pushed him away and headed into another room. Alex has always been a huge flirt and he also sounded like he'd had a few too many drinks, it wasn't even worth it to respond.

I searched through the crowd of kids and that's when I spotted him. Cal was busy talking to one of the other baseball players from school.  He looked amazing in jeans and a t-shirt with top gun picture on it. He ran his fingers through his wavy black hair and laughed at something he heard. Man that smile, he had perfect white teeth and two big dimples you could get lost in. His friend got distracted and I knew this was my chance, I had to talk to him.

"Hey Cal, can you believe it's over?" I put on my best flirt smile (you know the one you practice in front of the mirror over and over til your cheeks hurt.)

"Juliette hey, you look great! Yeah  I think I'm ready to move on but will definitely miss playing ball here." Cal was on the baseball team and he was amazing. OK maybe I'm bragging but he really was a great player. He got a scholarship and chose SDSU, yes I just said it, he was going to San Diego! It was like we were meant to be. Of course we really only talked a handful of times and he had a girlfriend all year but hey a girl can dream.

"So I heard you're heading to San Diego this summer, guess who's going to be there too!?"

"No way you're going to SDSU too!"

Ugh that's like the 50th time someone has asked me that, I get it were supposed to be going to university but still I felt bad having to say no.

"Nah I got a job over there and plan on taking classes at the community college. Listen I know we haven't talked much this year but I really think we should do something when we're both out there." This was my chance tell him how I feel. I put my hand on his arm and tried my best to sound calm even though my stomach was anything but.

"For sure, you know I probably shouldn't say this but I've kinda always wanted to get to know you better, but with Sam and all..."  Sam was his ex girlfriend. She also was head cheerleader and a blond bombshell, hard to compete. But she's out of the picture, I hope. 

 I downed my beer and prayed for courage to make my move. He was smiling at me and I could see in his eyes he was feeling something too. I put my cup on the fireplace mantel. Wrapping my arms around his neck I got my nerves together and said, "well why wait til San Diego. " and that's when I did it I leaned in and he met me half way. Our lips touched briefly and we backed away for a second as if our touch shocked us and then our lips, like magnets found their way back. The kiss was good, our lips were cold and when he opened his mouth and the kiss deepened. He tasted of beer and what was that, mango? He moaned and wrapped his arms around my lower back and pulled me closer.  God I have wanted this for so long.

 We finally broke apart and his friend Derrick interrupted us with a devils smile and offered us some mango jello shots. Ah so that's where the mango taste came from. We declined and instead Cal grabbed my hand and lead me to the backyard. On the way I spotted Alicia, her eyes were wide with her mouth open in shock.  I mouthed "oh my God!" To her and she gave me two thumbs up,  I laughed then quickly checked that he didn't see that, but his face was forward.  Opening the screen door I was surprised there was only a handful of kids out here. He lead me to the empty trampoline at the end of the yard and helped me up.

"Wouldn't mind being somewhere a little more private." Cal said and with that he grabbed the back of my head and started kissing me again. We moved to the middle of the trampoline and began heavily making out. His kisses felt so good and this was always what I wanted but all of a sudden it felt off. I mean we barely talked and all of a sudden he can't keep his hands off me. I broke away for a second and tried to catch my breath.

"So when do you move," I know it's small talk but I actually didn't know, other then where he's going, much about his situation.

He gave a small chuckle and started nuzzling my neck, "August."

"Are you going to live on campus?"

"Yeah." He started playing with my spaghetti strap. OK apparently he's a one word man, was I going to get anywhere?

"Listen I think we should slow down." I sat up and looked at him, gosh he was adorable. He made a face that almost resembled annoyed but as fast as he made it, it was gone.

"Of course Juliette, I was just carried away, you are so beautiful tonight."  Ugh stay still my beating heart. If I was anything like this trampoline I would have just jumped him right then and there but good ol' conscience won out. I asked him a couple more questions and he started opening up. Just when I thought the night couldn't get any better I looked over his shoulder and couldn't believe who I saw approaching us.

HOW'D I GET HERE

Present
August 2015

"Night mom!"

I turned around to give him one last kiss and looked into his eyes. Just like his dad's, blue and green like he had a little piece of the sea in them. And what's with boys getting perfect long eyelashes, not fair!

"Night lovebug" I kissed Raen's cheek and bent down to the lower bunk to kiss his younger brother Kai. Raen is five and Kai is two, Kai skipped his nap today and was already passed out.

I went out the kitchen and poured a glass of wine from the fridge. Today was a busy day, Raen starts kindergarten in a month and we spent the day running around getting supplies and clothes shopping. Which, like most men, my boys don't like shopping and liked to tell me that every ten minutes.

"Wine night?" My husband walked up behind me making me jump almost spilling my wine. Luckily almost.

"It's always wine night" I said laughing.  He wrapped his arms around me and leaned in for a kiss. Mmm he always was the best kisser. I mean I've had some great kisses but his always lasted long enough to get me excited and still made the butterflies dance even after years together. Every once in awhile I catch myself staring at him when he isn't looking and am reminded how I ended up with the perfect guy for me. But I want to tell you about our story and how I ended up with the perfect guy for me. Doing this I will need to introduce you to three guys, one of which will turn out to be my now husband.