Dinner -Alicia's POV

Alicia's POV
April 2003

 I wiped my hands on my dress for the hundredth time. My heart was racing so I tried breathing slowly, in and out in and out. Tonight Dean was taking me to dinner, I wasn't sure where so I opted to dress up to be safe, of course I kept fretting on my decision wishing Jules didn't have class tonight, I needed a second opinion. I was just about to walk back into the bathroom and check my makeup again when the door bell rang. I let out a sigh and walked to the door, I hadn't actually talked to Dean in person in months. Yeah I stalked him behind closed doors every chance I got but calling him Saturday was the first communication we've had since the breakup.

"Hi," Dean greeted me with a smile that instantly calmed my nerves. He was the only guy I'd ever been with that had the ability to calm me. I tend to be dramatic and get worked up, Dean's laid back attitude on life always helped me settle down.

"Hey stranger," I tried my best to sound casual and not like I wanted to drop this stubborn act and go back to the way we were before. Before things got so heavy and complicated.

He took my hand and lead me through the courtyard.  I thought he was going to the car but he took a right and kept walking.  We walked silently until he stopped in front of our favorite Thai food place,  it was only two blocks from the house and when we were dating we ate there at least once a week.

"Alicia and Dean so nice to see you it's been so long," Dara the hostess greeted us with a knowing smile in my direction. After we split up I only ever ordered takeout and always came alone, it didn't take long for her to ask about Dean. I brushed it off as nothing but every time I came in she would give me a big hug and sad smile and ask how I was holding up. Normally that would annoy the crap out of me however it was too hard when she was so sweet and threw in free spring rolls.  She lead us to a small booth in the back. I was grateful no one else was near, in case I did the unthinkable..cry. I have never let anyone but Juliette and my mother see me cry, Dean gave me emotions I didn't think I would feel about a guy and I feared he would bring them up tonight,  especially if he wasn't interested in getting back together.

"Wanna start with spring rolls?" Dean ran his hands through his thick blonde curls, I miss doing that.

"Do you have to ask," the calm feeling he gave me earlier was gone I was beginning to get anxious.  I made small talk, asked about school, we went to the same University but he was in his last year and I was closing out my first soon.

"School is great I graduate in June with a B.S. in computer engineering and I already have a paid internship at a local company Innovated Solutions." He reached for the last roll making eye contact to see if I wanted it. I shook my head smiling at how happy he looked over getting the last one.

"I'm a growing boy," he laughed when he noticed my reaction.  He always said that and of course he was done growing, well up anyways but somehow he managed to eat whatever he wanted, a lot of it, and never gain weight.  He did work out a lot which made me remember him naked, which lead me to blurt out what I've been holding in for months.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have freaked about your family. I got scared we were moving too fast and I wasn't ready,  but I miss you and I don't think it was worth loosing us." I said everything so fast. I knew if I didn't I would never say it. I looked at the pink and teal napkin in my lap wondering if they stole them from a 1980's Florida vacation rental while I tried to distract myself. He wasn't saying anything and I knew he must think I'm some dumb kid. Why did I let him get to me like this, it's been months why didn't I move on? I knew the answer, I didn't want too move on. I blinked back the tears and finally raised my head.  He was smiling, but not like he was making fun at my vulnerability. In fact his sexy blue eyes looked a little moist.

"I've been waiting for your stubborn ass to talk to me for months." This wasn't the first time he's called me that and I actually missed it.  I missed how much he knew me.

"My dad died when I was five, too little to remember much but I vividly remember the 5 years after and how depressed my mother was, she cried for him almost every night.  She barely functioned, I always told myself why fall in love when it can ruin your life. The pain of loosing him was too much for her, why would I want to hurt like that?" I shook my head remembering my once frail mom, it caused me to grow up quicker having to help take care of her and myself. Dean knew I lost my dad but not about my mom.

"You've always talked about your mom as this successful go getter. I'm sorry." He squeezed my hand but pulled away not keeping the connection. I was done talking about my mom, she did change, at 10 one day I came home from school and she was baking, something I never remembered her doing. She helped me with homework and made dinner and each day it got better. She started dating a couple guys when I was in high school but nothing serious.

"Why didn't you come after me, at all?" I had to ask, I wasn't ready to take full blame for this stubborn breakup.

"I tried, I actually came by less then a week after and I saw you with some guy."  I cringed, I knew what he was talking about and I wasn't innocent.  I wasn't innocent multiple times since our split. It's something I did, before him I may have been young but was not new to casual hookups.  I was 13 when I lost my virginity,  it was at a high school party with a senior, Tim.  I knew it was wrong but he was so sweet to me. The sex sucked though, didn't even last five minutes. After that I got a high off feeling needed and attractive. I wouldn't say I slept with most the guys at school but there was a good amount,  the number actually included Cal. Sleeping with Cal was before Juliette had a massive crush on him, so I knew I didn't do anything wrong however I haven't told her. I hope I never have too.

"It was nothing,  he was nothing.  I just wanted to move on and I did it the wrong way." I reached for his hand and was glad when he took it.

"I get that, we were broken up I can't be mad. But we did break up for a reason, I saw a future with you and I still do. I need you to be on board with all of it, meet the parents at least once, let me give you a key,  down the road move in etc. I still haven't changed on that. I get you're young and it doesn't have to be tomorrow but if you don't want a commitment...I just..I was falling in love with you and you broke me. When I saw you with other guys..if you're not done sowing your oats I don't want to get hurt again." I saw the look in his eyes, hope, I knew what I wanted.

"I'm all in, meet the parents and everything. We can even do cheesy, like first month anniversaries and matching Christmas sweaters. " he laughed at this, back before thanksgiving he actually mentioned wanting to wear matching green sweaters to his uncles Christmas party. I vetoed it quickly of course.

Our food had arrived and I was ravenous,  I dug into everything piling my plate high. We both sat in silence as we devoured our food. Both of us had this stupid smile on our face, I was happy, happier then I've been in a long time. When we finally put a dint in our plates Dean didn't hesitate to pay the check and we hurried back to his apartment.

As soon as the door was shut I pulled my dress over my head. I wasn't wasting time.

"Wait, I never even complimented you tonight in that dress, I was too stressed. I feel bad, " he was rambling,  he doesn't normally ramble. His sudden nervousness turned me on and gave me the confidence to kiss him.  Something I've wanted to do all night. I moaned into his mouth and started ripping at his shirt, once it was off I went for his belt.

"Well I didn't get a chance to tell you how sexy looked in my favorite green shirt," I started to slowly unbutton his jeans. "But I was thinking more about how sexy you look without it." His jeans were off and I tried to slowly remove his briefs until he smacked my hand away.

"Woman it's been months for me stop teasing." He walked me to the couch and removed my thong and bra. I straddled him on the couch and ran my hands through his curly locks.

"So there wasn't anyone since me?" I was a little surprised and happy at this revelation.

"No I couldn't,  you ruined me woman." And with that he showed me how much he missed me, again and again.