Family

November 2002

After shutting the door I stood staring at it for what felt like forever. A part of me thought maybe he would return and take back what he said. When it didn't happen I cursed myself for believing all those stupid romance movies.

That's when I went to the kitchen and searched for chocolate.  Reaching to the pit of our pantry I pulled out a box of forgotten hostess cupcakes, there was only one left. This was probably the box Cal got my cupcake from on my birthday. I looked up and tried to blink the tears away but that wasn't helping, I was now in full sob. I squeezed the wrapper until it popped. Reaching in I noticed I smashed my chocolaty medicine. Opening the freezer the cool crisp air hit my tears and felt oddly refreshing.  We never had much in the freezer but I was in luck we still had a carton of moose tracks.  I grabbed a bowl and began scooping. On the bright side I may be eating my pain away but at least I wasn't eating straight out of the carton, though tempting. I poured the hostess crumbs on top of my ice cream and moved to the living room.

I put my back against the front door and slid down. I didn't get half way through my bowl when I pushed it away from me. Now I was sad and sick to my stomach.

Maybe Cal was right, I mean we are young. It had been 5 months though, 5 great months. I hadn't told him yet but I loved him, and I was almost certain he loved me too. "Guess you thought wrong didn't you, " I said outloud, surprising myself how bitchy I sounded. With that I scooted across the wood floors, grabbing my unfinished bowl. I polished it off quickly then laid down. I went over and over the kisses we shared and wondered if there was anything I missed,  any sign recently that he didn't want to be with me. Nothing,  hell just last week Cal mentioned taking a roadtrip together back home for Thanksgiving.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I remember was the front door hitting me in the leg.

"Jules, why are you on the floor? Wait have you been crying you look terrible. " Shelly bent down next to me.

Rolling over and seeing her perky face I scowled back. "Cal...jerk...brokeup," was all I could muster.

"You and Cal broke up?  Oh my God Jules I'm so sorry what happened?" She rubbed my arm and stayed quiet.

I told her everything after I got up and moved to the couch.  She didn't say anything, her eyes did happen to spot the dirty ice cream bowl on the floor and the stain all down my tank top. I noticed it when I sank onto the couch,  I had hoped I didn't look such the mess but didn't care enough to change.

"Listen,  I'm not sure if this will help but I'm kinda not surprised. " Shelly said this too easily I instantly got angry.

"What the hell does that mean, was I just some girlfriend too stupid to notice the signs my boyfriend didn't want to be with me?" I folded my arms and looked straight past her, focusing on the lighswitch on the wall.

"I don't mean that, I just, you guys barely saw each other in October. When you did there was usually a group of his teammates or your friends with you guys. When was the last time he took you on a real date?" I opened my mouth to answer but she cut me off, "Nico's doesn't count his friend Paul works there and you even told me he joined the table on his break."

"I guess your right." I couldn't think of the last time we went out just us. And even when we did it was so short. "I'm just going to miss him." I finally said outloud.

"Well, he could be right maybe right now isn't good timing. Besides now we go out as single women!"  She cheered clearly trying to lighten the mood. I looked at my phone to see the time, I was upset to see I didn't have any messages or missed calls. It was getting late though and I wanted to hit the road. After hugging Shelly I packed the car and headed out.

The drive was way to long, 6 hours in the car the morning after a breakup is torcher. I tried several cds to distract my thoughts.  Considering  90% of songs are about love and heartaches that didn't help. I pulled up to my sisters stucco home and looked in the visor mirror. My eyes were red but nothing too bad, I could just blame it on being tired.

I grabbed my bag and before I could even open the front door it swung open wide. Andrew and Henry burst out of the house yelling.

"Aunty Jules Aunty Jules!" They raced to my side. Bending down I grabbed them both and squeezed tight. Andrew grabbed my bag and tried to carry it in, I laughed because it was too heavy for him but he was determined.  James met him on the lawn and took the bag.

"How's my favorite Lil sis?" James hugged me as we walked inside.

"I'm your only little sister, and I'm good." I wasn't in the mood to tell them about the break up. Besides not like he had ever met Cal. I walked into the kitchen and found my parents and sister. After hugs all around I sat at the barstool and James handed me a beer. My parents have let me drink around them since I was about 18. They trusted I wouldn't abuse it and preferred if I was going to, that it be around them.

"How's everything in California,  you look very tan, did you quit school and work to be a beach bum?" My sister asked as she was dicing tomatoes.

"Haha, no but I do spend most weekends there."

"I remember when Dad was stationed in Coronado in the seventies, I spent most of my time at the beach too." My mom smiled at my dad as if remembering something.

"Yes and I remember always worrying about you sunning in a bathing suit with all those sailors running by." My dad said as he dipped a chip in guacamole.  My dad was in the Navy before I was born. Funny story that's when he met Jacob's dad, Barry, they hit it off and stayed friends long after.

"How's Cal," my mom asked. I was mid chew so I tried to postpone answering, when I couldn't pretend I had any food in my mouth any longer I replied.

"We're going to take a break, we don't see each other much anyways and we're young." I felt like I was just repeating what he told me, hoping if I said it enough I would believe it.

"Need me to drive over there and beat him up?" This came from James,  ever since he married my sister he has taken on the protective brother role quite well. James was built, he was about 6'5 and very strong. He shaved his head and had a lot of tattoos. It's funny because before him Kathy's taste was very preppy, like Gap model. James was opposite and he had hair on his chest something she used to squirm at. Funny how love changes your taste. When Kathy met James she was a goner. She would come over and not stop talking about him, if she ever let you talk you knew she was only half listening. When she described him to our parents my mother was a little worried because she kinda made him sound like some scary looking guy. However he may be huge but he's really just a big teddybear, and he will do anything for you, he would give you the shirt on his back if you needed it.

"No James that won't be necessary," I laughed. Being around my family made me feel so much better, even normal. We chatted a bit longer until dinner then all went to bed early. They had to leave early for the surgery and I would be watching Andrew and Sophie. We were going to visit later tomorrow if the hospital said that was OK.

The next morning I was spooning peas into Sophie's mouth and making silly faces when my phone buzzed.

Cal: if you don't hate me, let me know how Henry's surgery goes.

Cal: I still care about you Juliette.

I cursed myself for smiling, it still made me giddy to see his name on my phone.

Me: I don't hate you.  I will let you know.

I didn't know what to say so I left it at that. About 6 hours later I got a call from my mom saying everything went great and he's in  ICU. I was relieved, the last hours were hard, I would try playing go fish with Andrew or peek a boo with Sophie to distract me but I was looking at the clock constantly. I put Sophie down for a nap and got Andrew and I ready to leave. I packed the diaper bag and as soon as Sophie woke we all headed in my sisters car for the hospital.

When I pushed the stroller in through the automatic doors I was hit with a strong disinfectant smell. I spotted my mom and gave her a hug, she said its been exhausting but they are just so relieved everything went well. I left the kids with her then rode the elevator to the 3rd floor and walked toward Henry's room. Passing all the rooms and seeing the little kids in there was heartbreaking, they were so little. I didn't want to think of why they were here but couldn't help where my mind wondered.

Stepping into his room I was taken aback by all the tubes hooked to him. He looked so tiny getting lost in the hospital bed. He was sleeping so I turned my attention to my sister giving her a big hug. My dad was also there and he hugged and kissed my cheek. We discussed some of how it went when James walked in carrying a couple coffees.

"Jules I'm sorry I didn't get you one, here take mine." He offered his cup.

"No thanks I already had 3 cups, is waking up at 6:00am normal for kids by the way? " I asked.  The rest of the family had just left when Andrew came bouncing up to wake me on the couch this morning.

"Just wait, someday you'll have 5 running around, you'll never sleep." My sister teased me. We talked awhile longer then I bent down to kiss Henry, "I love you baby boy." Then I hugged and kissed my sister and James and told her I would pray for a speedy recovery.  My dad and I left to head back with mom and the kid's.

We decided we were in no mood to cook dinner so we stopped at a BBQ place known for their pulled pork. I ate way to much and with that and getting up extra early I was ready to crash. I stayed through the weekend and visited Henry a couple more times. By day three he had most tubes removed and was leaving the ICU. He looked great and was definitely bouncing back.

The drive back to San Diego was much easier then the drive there and I only thought of Cal every hour, much better success then on the way there.

I put my key in and opened the door wide announcing my arrival. Instead of being met with the welcome I expected I heard a scream followed by a very naked Gavin running toward the bathroom.  Shelly was on the floor holding a couch cushion in front of her body. Her face looked like that of a teenage boy caught fondling himself in the bathroom by his mom. I didn't know what to say so I backed up and shut the door. I busted up laughing at the image of Gavin swinging high to the bathroom. Luckily Vicky was home so I hid out there as long as I could.

Hi everyone!  I thought it would be fun to have some posts flash forwarded here and there. Example: the honeymoon, birth of sons or any other significant days. I put a poll up on the top right of the blog. If you're in mobile view you will need to switch to desktop view.
Thanks so much for reading!